Books I Didn't Write, Volume 2

Last month I debuted a new feature here on the blog called “Books I Didn’t Write”. It won 2 Emmys and 4 Grammys, so I thought we could try and make it a monthly thing.

Here’s what I did: I loaded this page of random flickr images and had to pick one of them to create a cover a for book. I reloaded the page and repeated 6 more times to come up with 7 total images. Then I used my hack photoshop skills to turn these images into the 7 book covers for books I didn’t write. This time I also included a link to the original image on Flickr, so each artist can be recognized for their outstanding work.

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(you know what? every blurb I tried to write about this book would have gotten me in trouble. And in the end, I like my wife too much to tick her off for the sake of a bad joke. Let’s move on.)

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World renowned word artist Bryan Allain takes readers on an exotic journey into Mother Nature’s bedroom. As safe for the whole family as the Song of Solomon, readers will delight in the gentle verbal caresses Bryan lavishes on the earth.

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With the passion and determination of John Stossel, investigative reporter Bryan Allain rips the wings off of the bird obesity epidemic to find the truth. Are oversized birdfeeders creating a culture of gluttony in the bird kingdom? Are birdfeed manufacturers spiking their product with addictive substances? Are owls really just fat and lazy? Deadly Buffet chirps relvancy from cover to cover as the truth flies off every page and poops on your brain.

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The harrowing tale of a young man in love with cellophane.

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Most lifeguards take a stand against peeing in their pool because it’s gross. But things are different for Greg Maimer. As a lifegaurd with a rare fatal allergy to urine, Greg constantly struggles with the desire to help others and the desire to not die. You’ll laugh and cry until you pee yourself as you follow Greg’s last summer as a lifeguard at the Fitch County Pool, including the thrilling climax of the book when 8-year old Billy Watkins starts drowning at his own birthday party. Will Greg save him, or save himself?

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Journalist Bryan Allain makes a compelling case for the silver lining to the nuclear war mushroom cloud.

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For too long people have been trying to pass off tablecloths, curtains, and random pieces of cloth as scarves. No longer, says author Bryan Allain. The scarf charade stops HERE, with this French Guy on the cover of my book! Featuring interviews with top designers of clothing and home furnishings, Bryan gives you the tools you need to determine what’s a scarf and what’s just a piece of fabric circling your neck.

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So if these books were real, which one would you want me to write? Which one would you buy?