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so i finally gave the blog a new look. I’m not madly in love with it, but i definitely like it.

Color that sticks out - check (ugly yellow)

self-deprecating header graphic - check

a person from checkoslovakia is a - check (possibly my favorite line from Mike Myers’ Cat in the Hat)

time for bed…more tomorrow…

Jonathan Adams, sports editor over at Burnside, quoted me in the piece on morality in sports that he wrote this week for the Burnside Writers Collective. Technically, he didn’t quote me, I guess it was more of a paraphrasing, but still, it makes me cooler to you, doesn’t it? No?

How about if I told you that I interviewed someone for Prayers For Blowouts today that has appeared in an episode of Seinfeld once? Does that make me cool? … You’re right, that makes Susan cool, but not me.

Well, what if I told you my son Parker can rock a faux-hawk? Clearly, he’s cool, so me being his dad must make me cool by genealogic osmosis or something.

The reality is, however, any coolness I might have accrued from any of the above things has been completely erased by this lame post. Such is life.

I’ve never been a fan of waiters/waitresses who take your order without pen and paper. It has always struck me as arrogant. Like a mechanic telling you he’s going to work on your car with only his right hand or a landscaper showing up at your house with his shoes tied together, these servers give off the aura that they are so good at their job, they can handicap themselves and still excel.

Because of this, I’m always secretly hoping that one of these “memorizers” slips up, because if/when they do, everyone will know that they have made an unwise choice. Is it really that hard to carry around a pad to write on?

To me, servers trying to memorize your order is a step backwards in the evolution of food service. Seems to me a few hundred years ago servers had to memorize orders because pens hadn’t been invented yet and chiseling out someone’s order on a piece of rock made a real mess of the dinnerware. The invention of pens and paper made it easier for servers to record the orders of their patrons,  and thus, get the orders right.

Last night at dinner we had a one-armed mechanic taking our orders. She almost got the drink orders right for our party of seven, but she failed to remember that the mango margarita was supposed to be sans sugar. A minor detail, for sure, but something the bartender would not have missed had the order been written down. When it came to dinner, we had a similar minor issue, with the server failing to bring out jalapeños for the chimichangas. Again, not an earth-shatterig miscue, but something that a pen and paper could have remedied.

I’ve been told that certain establishments require their servers to use only their brains. To me this is silly. Like asking umpires to keep track of balls and strikes without one of those counters. One of the umpires main functions is to keep track of balls, strikes, and outs. It only makes sense to give him a tool that helps him do his job. Similarly, a server’s main job is to be the go-between between me and the kitchen. I tell him/her what i want, they let the kitchen know. Why wouldn’t you want that person to use all the tools available to them to do their job better?

The good news is, some day soon all menus will probably be interactive, and all servers have to do is bring out the food and drink that I’ve custom ordered on my touch screen menu.You know that we’re only years away from that type of thing happening.

And when that day comes, and servers are only asked to bring food and clear plates, I’m sure the ones who are intent on showing off will create some way to handicap themselves in an attempt to stand out. Whether it’s serving food on pogo sticks or balancing dirty dishes on their tip of their noses, they’ll find a way…they always do.

So to all you memorizing servers out there,  you better be real careful with my order. I’m a good tipper, but you’re not going to get more from me just because you eschew the ink and tablet. And if you screw my order up because your brain forget the extra side of cheese, I’m gonna dock you a few cents. Call it a common sense tax. It’s not that I want to take money out of your pocket, it’s just that someone has to keep you accountable.

Did you get all that? If not, you might want to write it down.

Feeling guilty about watching American Idol? Instead of wallowing in your shame, would you like to do something about it?

Before each episode pick a charity to donate to and keep score throughout the length of the show. You have to donate $1 for each time one of these events occur:

• Simon Cowell rolls his eyes
• A judge uses the phrase “song choice”
• A contestant uses their fingers to tell you which number to dial following their performance
• Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell flirt with each other
• The crowd applauds after one of Paula’s inebriated complimentary rants
• Randy says “you know dawg”, “it was just alright”, or “that was hot”
• Paula says “you are a shining light”or “i love you and want you to buy me a drink”
• Simon says “awful”, “i enjoy ogling female contestants”, or “karaoke”

If you’re fast enough to keep track without losing count, you’ll probably raise over $100 for your charity of choice.

And if you’re one of those folks who thinks David Archuleta is a lock to win this year, just remember that people were saying the same thing about Melinda Doolittle and Lakesha Jones last season.

I mean, not that i watch or anything. That’s just what i heard at, umm, the water cooler at work.

Tags: American Idol, Charity