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• four games left in our softball season. we’ve got about a 2% chance of making the playoffs. we’re finally playing better…if only the season was 30 games instead of 18.
• i got a new wallet yesterday. a front pocket wallet. it’s a new day for me and frankly, i couldnt be happier.
• why is it that on the day you finally get a phone call you’ve been waiting for, your battery is almost dead. argh.
• kylie turns 5 this weekend. wow. i will now pretend like i am not freaked out by this.
• floyd landis is innocent. i will believe that until the day i die. or until his second test comes back positive.
• derek webb is selling some gear on ebay if you’re interested. i think there’s a strat and a keyboard up there.
• i’m golfing on monday and going to the beach on tuesday. if you think i’m excited, you’re not an idiot.
• heaven on earth is the perfect ear of corn smothered in butter and salt on a summer evening.
• hell on earth is being cut up with a dull screwdriver and boiled alive in hamster urine.
• if i was a professional walker for a living i think i would be skinnier
• The evil doctor Will is exceeding every expectation on Big Brother 7 this season. just a joy to watch.
• do you think the guy who invented the abacus ever saw the calculator coming?
• speaking of inventions, the guy who created the paperclip was a genius. he basically took a useless piece of wire, bent it 3 times, and changed the world.
• now that we have online dating and online banking, i think it’s only a matter of time before we have online eating. not sure how this will work, but i’m certainly not going to bet against it.
• do birds know that we can’t fly, or do they just think we’re scared to try?
• i think they should offer sporting events on TV that feature only the ambient sounds from the venue. no announcers. a few cameras micing crowd noise and on-field action. wouldn’t you check it out if you had the option?
• when it’s all said and done i think will ferrell falls somewhere in between chevy chase and bill murray in the court of public opinion. for me right now, there’s none better.
• the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public: the 5-day work week. i think we should all work 9 hour days 4 days a week. it will be a 36-hour work week instead of 40, and we’ll get more work done because we’ll have 3-day weekends year round. frankly, it’s brilliant. perhaps i should start an online petition. or maybe i’m just a doofus…