Al Roker’s Socks

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

is there anything more disgusting than a used band-aid? whenever I see a used band-aid lying on the ground it makes me want to gag. especially if you can see the white pad and it ain’t white anymore. It definitely is my number one answer to the question, “What is the last thing you would want to stick in your mouth?” well, ok maybe it’s number 2 behind Al Roker’s socks…

speaking of bandages, nothing turns me off more than a woman wearing an Ace bandage. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me wince whenever I see one. If I was in an isolation cell in a prison for 3 months and suddenly J-Lo walked in wearing a silk teddy, an anklet, and an Ace bandage on her left wrist, I would ask her to stop blocking my view of the wall. I can’t explain what it is about them (a sign of weakness?, the pseudo-flesh color?, the spandexy material?, the sharp clips used to secure them?) but I hate them…

If I am holding denim pants in my left hand and denim pants in my right hand am I not holding a pair of jeans? Not according to our foolish language. I would be holding 2 pairs of jeans. I have issues with this. since when did the word “jeans” become the equivalent of “pant legs”. I am ok with saying, ‘I am wearing a pair of pant legs’, because you are in fact wearing 2 pant legs. I am ok with saying, ‘I am wearing a pair of pants’, because in that case you are just replacing “pant legs” with “pants”. But You cant say ‘I am wearing a pair of jeans’. By doing this you are saying that a pant leg is also called a “jean” and we all know that there is no such thing as a “jean”. Jean is a synonym for ‘denim’, not for ‘pant leg’. Look it up yourself…

Speaking of clothes, I submit to you that the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public is the sweater. Before you laugh at me, think about it for a second. When do we really need to wear sweaters? Havent we invented other things so that we dont need to wear sweaters? Don’t tell me that it’s cold in the winter time, because that it is the reason that we invented winter jackets, so we can wear our regular clothes and still be comfortable outside. And the fact is, most people, (Herrs excluded), keep their house as warm, or warmer, in the winter than in the summer. So why would you want to wear a sweater indoors? You always end up being too hot and uncomfortable. Granted they occasionally look good, but that doesn’t dispute the fact that they are, at their core, a farce. We must, as a nation, choose to get rid of one of the following things, indoor heating, winter jackets, or sweaters. We don’t have room for all three…

I could really go for a stick of fruit stripes gum right now. Remember that stuff. Whoever created that stuff was pure genius. Somehow they figured out a way to take the cumulative taste that would be experienced from chewing a normal stick of gum for 30 minutes and cram all of the flavor into one 10-second burst of fruit that literally woke up your entire mouth. It was like a drug induced high for your taste buds for 5 chews and then nothing. 15 seconds into the experience it tasted like you were chewing on silly putty from the Carter administration…

One last thought. Is there a dirtier word in the english language than ‘panties’? I even blush as I type the word. Whenever I hear someone say panties I get the same feeling I used to get when I was a kid watching a movie with my parents and a love scene broke out. if you don’t think it’s such a bad word, try to work it into a conversation next time you’re talking to your parents or your pastor…didn’t think so.