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I swore from the beginning that if this blog served no other purpose, it would be a place where I could make fun of myself and allow others to do the same.

So it’s in that spirit that I ask you to answer the following question:

Which of these pictures do you think is more embarrassing?

Picture A, in which a pre-pubescent Bryan tries to look cool in a Rude Dog tank top?

or

Picture B, in which an adult Bryan tries to look intimidating in a mullet wig?

Clearly there is no right or wrong answer, but cast your vote in the comments anyway!

I always felt like asking someone to Guest Post on your blog was the online equivalent of asking “hey, do you want to have your picture taken with me?”, so I never did. But I’m over that now, and I’m grateful to have the hilarious Tyler Stanton here as the first ever Ramblings and Such Guest Poster.

There’s all sorts of types of funny, but Tyler is the type of funny that when you read his blog you laugh because you were thinking the same thing and he said it better than you could have. Or you weren’t thinking the same thing and he completely owned you with a joke. For a perfect example of that, here’s Tyler’s thoughts on The Greeting Interceptor.

The Greeting Interceptor

We’ve all had this happen one time or another. Someone looks in your direction and offers up an enthusiastic greeting. You confidently fire back a pleasantry, only to hear the person behind you – the person who the initial greeting was intended for – hesitantly respond. What do you do now (after breaking into a full-body sweat, of course)? There really are only five options:

1. Turn Away
Although this is our default reaction, I strongly suggest using it in moderation. If you’re anything like me, turning away and pretending it never happened will result in days (if not weeks) of self-loathing and regret. You’re essentially admitting defeat. Like George Costanza and the “Jerk Store” debacle, you’ll be driving down the road a month-and-a-half later wishing you would have implemented one of the following four options…

2. Continue the Conversation
This is a bit riskier, but following up your initial greeting with details about how your kids are and how busy your summer has been will undoubtedly result in the other person pulling the Turn Away themselves and seeking out another aisle to catch up with her original target.

3. Faux Bluetooth
This is my go-to. The moment you realize you’ve intercepted the greeting, put your right hand to your right ear, look at whatever product is directly in front of you, and ask the phantom person on the phone if that was what they needed. Give the greeter a side glance and a smile as you tell the person on the phone that you just wanted to double-check and you’ll be home in a minute. It has yet to fail me.

4. Turn the Tables
This is advanced. It requires greater instincts and reflexes than hitting a Randy Johnson fastball. The goal here is to talk past the greeter and make her think she is actually the one intercepting the greeting. There are so many factors involved here (volume, pitch, eye line, props, subject matter, facial expressions, etc) that it is probably best to leave this to the seasoned veterans (i.e. Bryan Allain).

5. Shatter Something
If there is nowhere to turn, you’re out of words, and both of your Bluetooth-less ears have been exposed, the only reasonable way out is to grab the nearest bottle and shatter it. Chances are, when the two or three shards of glass dig into her shin upon impact, she’ll forget all about that embarrassing thing that you just did. Face saved.

(Oh and for the record, should you find yourself intercepting someone’s wave with a wave of your own, there is no hope.)

What about you? Any tips to add to the list?

PS…You absolutely should be reading more of Tyler’s stuff every day at his blog and on his Twitter. Thanks for Guest-Posting, Tyler!

Last week I guest-posted at Katdish’s blog about losing my man card.

Here’s the post in it’s entirety, with some new material thrown in just for kicks.

Here’s 7 10 (of the many) reasons why, if Man Cards were real, I might not be carrying one…

1. I Have No HandyMan Skills

I’ve got a father-in-law who built houses for a living, a brother-in-law who helped built his own house, and a dad who can do just about anything around the house that needs to be done. How did I end up like this? I don’t know. But thankfully my father-in-law is only 10 minutes away in case a picture needs to be hung or a door needs to be fixed. (I wish i was kidding)

You know how much help I was to my father-in-law when he was building my deck? Negative help, that’s how much. He literally had to undo a bunch of the stuff I did on the first day. After that, I just watched and fetched him drinks. Completely embarrassing.

2. I Hate Hide & Seek (aka, Manhunt)

Want to know why I hate Hide and Seek? Because I hate hiding and I hate seeking. Pretty simple.

Think about it, when does hiding and seeking happen in real life? When cops are chasing bad guys. When bad guys are chasing other bad guys. When a child is about to be disciplined and disappears. You get the idea. The whole concept of hiding is that you don’t want to be found, but eventually you will be found when you play this game. Sounds terrible to me.

And for the record, we played manhunt on the streets of my neighborhood almost every night in the summer growing up. I hated it.

3. I Know Nothing About Cars

I’ve got no opinion on Ford vs. Chevy. I don’t know or care how many cylinders are in my Odyssey. I don’t know what the brown fluid on my garage floor under my car is.

Want more?

I don’t have a dream car. I think loud engines are annoying. I once spent hours in the library reading about what carburetors and overhead cams were just to impress a girl I liked. Didn’t work.

4. I Prefer Light Beer

Do i enjoy beer? Yes.

Do I like to drink obscure beers and comment on how “hoppy” they are? No.

Do I like to drink heavy beers and then say, “Now THAT’S a beer!”? No.

I like light beers. Miller Lite. Coors Light. Corona w/ a lime.

What can I say? They taste better to me. And they don’t make me feel like I just ate a 26-ounce filet.

5. I Hate Paint Ball

You know how I hate Hide and Seek? Well here’s a math equation to define what paint ball is. Paint Ball = (Hide & Seek) + (Pain). Ooh! Where do I sign up!

I played paint ball once. It was my worst nightmare. My goggles were fogging up so I couldn’t see anything. I was hiding. There were lots of people seeking me. Those same people were trying to inflict pain on me. I just tried to get shot in a relatively painless area and get off the playing field. Instead I was shot in the neck from 10 feet out.

Never again.

6. I Have a System for my Fingernails

It doesn’t involve painting or buffing, but yeah, I refuse to just bite my fingernails like a nervous neanderthal.

First I cut them with fingernail clippers.

Then I file them. You have to file them, otherwise they’re all sharp and they catch on your bed sheets and in your pants pockets.

After they get filed, I’ll smooth them out with the space between my bottom two front teeth. Takes off the last few rough edges and you’re good to go.

The result is trimmed, smooth fingernails. Takes 5 minutes a week. Sue me.

7. I Like To Talk Things Out

If my lovely wife Erica and I ever have a disagreement (yes it happens! shocker!), I’m usually the one who makes the stronger push for communication. Don’t misunderstand here, she is a great communicator. I’m just over the top nuts about it. I love talking about how I feel. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer and I like putting words to good use? I don’t know.

Please pray for her, that I’d learn to just shut up and watch TV once in a while.

8. I Have Girl Parts

Just Kidding. Wanted to make sure you weren’t skimming.

9. I Watch The Bachelorette

I don’t care what you say, it’s good TV. (The cruelest show on television? Absolutely - I even wrote an entire blog piece on it last summer. But entertaining as all get out.)

10. I’ve Never Been in a Fight

Unlike my buddy Nate, who once beat up 3 guys at one time in front of a club in Providence, RI, I’ve never taken a punch to the face. Never thrown one, either. Closest I’ve come is skirmishes with my younger brother Josh growing up, but those don’t really count. Although, when Josh and I did fight, he’d usually try to punch and I’d try to rake the eyes. Not very manly.

What about y’all?

Guys, any reasons your Man Card might be in jeopardy?

Or how about the ladies? Anything you do that threatens the security of your Woman Card?

My friend Tyler and I are racing to see who can get to 1000 Twitter followers first.

As of yesterday he was beating me 490-425. This is unacceptable people! This is a dude who refers to his receding hairline spots as his “power alleys”.

(Tripp is racing with us too, but dude already has 800+ followers on Twitter, so he can go take a dump as fas as I’m concerned. Oh and then there’s Jon and his 4000+ followers: dead to me.)

In case you haven’t caught on yet, Twitter’s not just about “what I had for lunch”. It’s also a great vehicle for sharing funny thoughts about the absurdities of everyday life in 140-character bursts.

In order to show you that Twitter can be used for good, Jon, Tyler, Tripp and I are posting 10 of our favorite Tweets from the past few weeks on our blogs today.

You can check their Twitter Highlights out here: Tyler - Tripp - Jon

Here’s mine:

+ gonna start referring to constipation as “stationary bowels” & I’m gonna eat a lot of cheese so I can overuse the new term.

+ If I had to make a list of things I wouldn’t want to eat, mulch would definitely crack the top 500.

+ Buying lunch from the cafeteria at work: $6.41. Stealing it: Priceless.

+ Every time you eat a sandwich at the beach you’re swallowing a few of Abraham’s descendants. Gross, crunchy descendants.

+ Life Rule #406: Never, under any circumstances, watch Bicentennial Man starring Robin Williams.

+ Want 250 brand new twitter followers every day??? Take Lunesta & dream about it, because it’s the only way it’s happening.

+ if everyone donated their lint trap excrement, we could make blankets for the cold homeless of the world. laundromats unite!

+ Kylie, my 7.5 year old, used air quotes yesterday. correctly. hilarious and frightening at the same time.

+ someone just texted me about a dodgeball tournament. honestly, i’d rather eat a dodgeball than play dodgeball. no thanks.

+ at the end of a bowl of cheerios i always congratulate the last cheerio. u made it to the end buddy! then i eat him slowly.

C’mon…you know you want to…

Follow me on Twitter if you dare. And definitely follow Jon, Tripp, and Tyler.