My friend Jason puts together a Top Ten list every tuesday, but today he was busy with exams so he asked me to throw one together for him.

Since I happened to be working on a top ten list for my book this week, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was posting these on Twitter today, but here’s the full list all in one place. (and in the book these will be expounded upon in more detail than you could ever want).

10 Things the Church Should Take From the Sports World

#10 Hi Tech Intros – Because no pastor should take the stage without a fog machine, lights show, and techno music.

#9 Pricey Programs – because 4 out of 5 free bulletins are left on the pew anyway.

#8 Mascots – Who wouldn’t enjoy watching a big furry God beat up a big furry satan every week?

#7 Dance Teams – Modest, interpretive dances between sermon points for the win.

#6 T-Shirt Cannon – Give away those free church-logo polos no one buys AND keep people awake.

#5 Jumbotron Highlights – We’re a highlight-driven generation. What better way to hammer a point home than to show us an instant replay. In slo-mo.

#4 A Game Clock – The Pastor knows how long he has to wrap it up and we know how long until lunch. Plus, buzzer beaters!

#3 Ticket Stubs – Remember when pastor Mark cussed during that service in 2006? I was there and I’ve got the stub to prove it.

#2 Out of Town Scoreboard – Get a peek at what other congregations are being taught.

#1 Roving Food Vendors – because everything’s more enjoyable with a cold beverage and a hot dog.

My buddy Geof emailed me last night and said:

“Taco Smell was not designed to be consumed by men over 30. Discuss.”

Feeling inspired by the home of the fourth meal, I had a Top Ten List for him 20 minutes later.

And now, through the magic of the intertubes, I share it with you:

Top 10 Reasons Taco Bell Should Not Be Consumed By Men over 30

10. Their crunchy taco shells biodegrade slower than a plastic grocery bag full of styrofoam peanuts.

9. Many of us are married, and we actually enjoy sleeping in the same room as our wives.

8. We have good jobs now, so buying 5 or 6 items off the menu finally makes financial sense. Unfortunately, it’s still digestive suicide.

7. Anything involving the words “triple” and “steak” will go through you faster than a hot knife through hummus.

6. Over 90% of the items on the menu feature enough to cheese to satisfy your recommended daily allowance for the next 3 weeks.

5. Some of us are still trying to digest the chicken soft tacos we ate in 1995.

4. We’ve learned from experience that the difference between the Nachos Supreme and the Nachos Bellgrande is about 8 squares of Charmin Ultra.

3. Two Words: Volcano Taco

2. They got rid of the “yo quiero taco bell” dog!

..and the #1 reason Taco Bell should not be consumed by men over 30…

1. “Gordita Baja” in English means: “Catastrophic Bowel Movement”

Now get out there and make a run for the border!