You’ve seen the movie (c’mon don’t lie…we know you did), but you can’t remember a thing about it.

Have no fear, here’s the real list on how to lose a guy in 10 days.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS

Day 1 – Cry all day for no reason. If the crying doesn’t get him, the fact that there’s no reason for it will.

Day 2 – Take a Dump in his guitar, or whatever else he holds near and dear to his heart. This can work with a home entertainment system, a sports car, or a Macbook Pro. (And don’t go that whole “girls don’t poop” routine because we know y’all can drop bombs with the best of them. There, I said it.)

Day 3 – Mimic him like a 6-year old. It’s unbearably annoying when your kids do this for 5 seconds, imagine the torture of listening to an adult do it for an entire day. “imagine the torture of listening to an adult do it for an entire day.”

Day 4 – Tell him how attractive his friends are. And if you’re really feeling it, blow up a picture of his best friend and hang it like a poster on your side of the bedroom. This will really boost his confidence.

Day 5 – Wear his rival team’s gear. If Erica walked around the house in a Derek Jeter uniform all day, my brain would explode in a confused mess by lunchtime. (be careful with this one…if there were any hardballs lying around the house, I might subconsciously fire a fastball under her chin to send her a message without even realizing it.)

Day 6 – Get the Kate haircut. Kate plus 8 can rock the reverse mullet. You can’t.

Day 7 – Tell him he’s wicked gross. Don’t elaborate or get specific, just tell him he’s gross. From birth until 5th grade this was the highest compliment a girl could give a guy. From 6th grade on, it’s the biggest insult.

Day 8 – Adopt 12 cats. It gives me the chills just typing it. I’d rather have ants, termites or rabid wolverines in my house than cats.

Day 9 – Go on a Home Shopping Network spending spree. Watch 12 straight hours of HSN and order multiple items of every other product. Preface every purchase with comments like,  “We TOTALLY need that solar powered shiatsu armpit massager” and “I have ALWAYS dreamed of owning seven Esteban classical guitars!”

Day 10 – Don’t Believe in Him. When Erica affirms me (in word or action), it makes me feel like I can run through a brick wall while writing the next great American novel and juggling 10 flaming porcupines. Nothing deflates a guy quicker than feeling like he’s got no support system, so tell him he ain’t got you babe.

I think this list is good, but I know it can be better.

I’d love to hear some better ideas from y’all in the comments.

You didn’t ask for free relationship advice, but you’re going to get it anyway. I’m no expert, and I’ve certainly made my share of good and bad decisions, so take it with a grain of salt.

Yes, it’s true that the best relationships are very close to a 50/50 venture, where each partner is contributing to the relationship fairly equally. Think of it as a football field, with both sides meeting at the 50-yard line.

The mistake I see some young couples making (and some old couples too), is that they become too fixated on making sure things are equal. When that is your focus, it doesn’t take long before you start saying “hey, what about my needs?” and “hey, you’re not doing your part!”

To keep the football field analogy going, if you start looking over onto the other side of the field to see where your partner is at, you’ll start backpedaling to make sure you are on the same yard line. The next thing you know, you’re both planted firmly on opposing 20-yard lines, waiting for the other one to make the next move.

If you feel like this happens in your relationship from time to time, try this. The next time you feel yourself backpedaling on the football field thinking “Why do I put more into this relationship”, drop it. Instead of attempting to even the score, do the exact opposite. Go the extra mile.

It doesn’t matter if you are sacrificing more or putting more into the relationship than the other person, after all, that’s what love is. Love is putting the needs of someone else above yours with no conditions, demanding nothing in return. So run for the 50-yard line…and keep running past it if you need to.

Yes, the best relationships usually are 50/50 ventures, but its not because both folks tiptoed up to the 50-yard line at the exact same time. In most cases it’s because they both were sprinting for the other end zone, and met each other half way.

Sometimes all it takes is for one person to start running…so what are you waiting for?

(by the way, after reading this post a few hours after posting it, I realize I should have made something clear. I didn’t learn this lesson from doing it myself. I learned this lesson from Erica, who has never once slowed up in her pursuit of oneness in our relationship. She has taught me more about compassion, forgiveness, and having a servant’s heart than I ever thought there was to know. She’s the teacher…I’m just passing on what I’ve learned.)