I’ve got a guest post up at Tyler Stanton’s blog today about having house guests.

I wrote about some of the stupid things I do when we have people staying over at our house. (Not sure if you do that too or if I’m the only one.)

Here’s 2 of the 7 things from the list…

1. I finally get around to those house projects. Erica has asked me to hang pictures roughly 416 times over the past 10 years. I’ve always claimed I was incapable, but with our new kitchen in place I’m trying to be a handyman. Last weekend I hung a couple pictures but my Man Card application STILL got denied. Apparently putting a nail in the wall does not constitute a ‘house project’.

4. I Give the House Tour. I guess the only way this would be acceptable was if my name was Barry Obama. Do I really think people care about where my laundry room is and what my master bathroom looks like? Yes. Yes I do. My house is TOTALLY different from the other 500 houses you’ve been in before in your life. Come, let me show you the unique angles in our hot water closet.

To see the rest of the list, and to find out who our mystery house guests will be, check out the post over at Tyler’s blog.

Oh, and on a LOST note, I plan on posting my wrap up thoughts for the finale and the series as a whole sooner rather than later. So if you’re still not sure what happened and how you feel, be on the lookout for that.

The following is a guest post from my friend Shawn Smucker. He’s the author of two books, a blogger, and a full time writer. Here’s Shawn.

A few weeks ago Bryan and I were mulling over some writing ideas during an early breakfast. I was eating something unhealthy like creamed chipped beef on toast, and Bryan was eating a spinach and feta omelet. That’s just how he rolls.

We decided to guest post on each other’s blogs, and I asked if he would fill in on my blog’s regular Top Ten segment.

And of course his Top Ten was about television – The Best Ten Things About TV. I smirked at him through my computer when I realized this was his chosen topic, because he knows that my wife and I have given up TV for this year.

“Okay,” I asked, “then what should I write about?”

“Something Amish,” he said. “Aren’t you Amish? After all, you don’t watch television.”

Haha funny man.

But my grandparents were Amish, and I grew up in Lancaster County. I was away for about 15 years before moving back last November, and there are things about this place that constantly remind me I’ve returned:

+ The air smells like manure a lot here, maybe 3 days a week during the spring when all the farmers are getting their fields ready. It reminds me of my childhood. But when my 6-year old son Cade catches the odor, he pinches his nose and raises his other hand in despair, as if to question the existence of a good God, and yells, “It smells like cows’ butts!”

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The link to today’s guest post on the Catalyst Catablog is coming in a minute. As you probably already know, Catalyst is one of the best 3-day leadership conferences is the country. I asked Brad Lomenick (Catalyst Head Honcho) if, in exchange for my guest post, he would let me be the keynote speaker this year. He said “ABSOLUTELY NOT”, proving once again he’s the right man for the job.

But before we get to the guest post, let’s resume our discussion about getting dumped.

Just in case you were wondering if I’m the right guy to compile a “getting dumped” list, let me give you a little background.

In junior high I got dumped by every girl I went out with except one. Beth dumped me after I botched a make-out party, Steph dumped me for my best friend, Andrea dumped me for a guy who would actually kiss her, Michele dumped me for no good reason, and Jenn dumped me 12 times, including one instance where she asked me out on the way into Mr. Burke’s 7th grade English class and then broke up with me on the way out.

Nothing like a 42-minute relationship.

Bottom Line = I’m qualified. And with that, let’s get to the second half of our 10 Most Popular Ways to Get Dumped in Junior High list (#1 through #5 can be found here.)

The 10 Most Popular Ways to Get Dumped in Junior High

(ranked from least to most heart-wrenching)

If you missed the first half of this list, click here.

6 – The Home Room Special. Can you do it? Can you get through the entire day without processing the fact that she dumped you before first period? Thank goodness you’re a man and you know how to compartmentalize. Speaking of compartments, what’s going to happen when she walks by your locker after second period like she does every day? For the past 3 weeks you gave her that flirty “I’d totally be making out with you right now if I wasn’t such a loser” smile and she always gave you the “You are a loser, but you’re MY loser” smile right back. Man, you’re gonna miss being her loser…aaaaaand here come the tears.

7 – The Hallway Rumor. “Umm, thanks for consoling me about the break up Jared, but like I told the last 4 people who offered condolences, Jennie and I are fine. Really, things have never been better between us…Oh hi Principal Calfman. What’s that? You’re sorry to hear that I got dumped? It was all the talk in the Teacher’s Lounge? Hm…weird. Jennie and I are gonna have a hearty laugh about this on our date tonight.”

8 – The Cold Shoulder. What hurts the most about this one is it’s a gradual death, like taking 3 hours to rip off a band-aid. You started noticing that she was acting differently yesterday, and today it seems to be getting worse. She’s not smiling at you like she used to, she’s only giving you one word answers, and you could have sworn you saw her giving you two middle fingers in the window reflection at lunch. She hasn’t officially dumped you yet, but really, she doesn’t have to.

9 – The Ring and Run. What’s that mom? Jessica’s at the door? Awesome…can’t believe my girlfriend came to my house on a school night! Hey girl, what’s up…what?…you’re breaking up with me???…wait wait, don’t leave…I don’t care if your mom’s waiting in the car, you can’t just dump me on my doorstep! Where are you going that’s so important?…Eric Mitchell’s house? Why are you going to Eric Mitchell’s house and what’s with the bottle of massage oil in your pocket?

10 – The Slow Dance Breakup. You missed the first hour of the dance because your mom had to drop your sister off at a sleepover party, but you’re here now. Ooh, and just in time for a slow dance as soon as you find Tara…and there she is…dancing with Jason Weber…who appears to be supporting her from falling over by cradling both of her but cheeks in his hands…and who also appears to be reviving her from suffocation by using mouth to mouth CPR…and I guess it worked because she’s smiling now…and now she’s giving him mouth to mouth…I think I just got dumped.

—

So there it is, my Top 10 Worst Ways to get dumped in Junior High.

If you’ve got any others to add to the list, we’d love to hear ‘em.

In the meantime, check out my guest post at the Catalyst CataBlog today: The Top 10 Excuses for not going to the Catalyst Conference. I promise it will include at least one dig on Tripp & Tyler and the phrase “Leadership Dance Party”.

I’ll be doing quite a bit of guest posting during the month of April. The link to today’s guest post on Melanie’s ProseKiln blog is coming in a minute. It’s about role playing as a writer. Melanie was one of the winners of the “Can I Guest Post on Your Blog Contest”.

I drove past a Taco Bell last night and had a sudden urge to stuff 5 tacos in my face. Not sure how I resisted, but I did. And in the process I was reminded of a list I posted on my blog a few years ago. Here it is again for my newer readers…

Top 10 Reasons Taco Bell Should Not Be Consumed By Men over 30

(and yes, I realize I could probably drop the “by men over 30″ part.)

10. Their crunchy taco shells biodegrade slower than a plastic grocery bag full of styrofoam peanuts.

9. Many of us are married, and we actually enjoy sleeping in the same room as our wives.

8. While buying 5 or 6 items off the menu still makes financial sense, it’s digestive suicide.

7. Anything involving the words “triple” and “steak” will go through you faster than a hot knife through room temperature hummus.

6. Over 90% of the items on the menu feature enough to cheese to put you over your recommended daily allowance for the next 3 weeks.

5. Some of us are still trying to digest the chicken soft tacos we ate in 1995.

4. We’ve learned from experience that the difference between the Nachos Supreme and the Nachos Bellgrande is about 8 squares of Charmin Ultra.

3. Two Words: Volcano Taco

2. They got rid of the “yo quiero taco bell” dog. Unacceptable.

..and the #1 reason Taco Bell should not be consumed by men over 30…

1. “Gordita Baja” in English means: “Catastrophic Bowel Movement”

Thank you, thank you…I’ll be here all week.

And my guest post is now live at Melanie’s blog. Check it out.

It’s about how you can use role playing to help you be a better writer. (No not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter.)

Prose Kiln – Role Playing for Fun and Profit.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of guest posting during the month of April. The link to today’s guest post on Tyler Stanton’s blog is coming in a minute. Tyler and I spend way too much time letting the internets know that we used to be cyber friends but are now real friends. For some reason we think the internets care about this.

If you’ve ever played Little League, had a kid who played little league, or had a nephew or niece that played little league, chances are you’ve had at least one crummy coach.

In fact, here’s the 7 Levels of Little League Coaches you can get, from great to awful.

1. Cal Ripken. For some reason he decided to spend all of his free time coaching your kid’s team.

2. The Super-Nice Coordinated Guy. This guy knows how to play the game AND he loves kids.

3. The Taskmaster Former College Ball Player. Not so great with the kids, but at last they’re learning something. (Like how to take insults.)

5. The Super-Nice Dude with No Clue. He has no idea what baseball is, but hey, your kids are having fun.

6. The Taskmaster with No Clue. You have to spend 45 minutes after every practice loving on your kid AND un-teaching him all the wrong stuff he just learned. Makes your family hate baseball.

7. The Devil Himself. Self-explanatory.

Over at Tyler’s Blog today I’ve got a post entitled “Don’t Be That Guy: The Awful Little League Coach”. It’s basically a few pointers to help keep you from turning into #6 on the above list. Go check it out, it’s a hoot.

(by the way, if you’re not reading Tyler’s blog on a consistent basis, I question the value of your existence and your will to live a fulfilling life.)

And have I mentioned that Tyler and I are real friends? Like, we hang out in real life sometimes and stuff. Crazy, huh?

Today’s Guest Post – DBTG: The Awful Little League Coach