Miscellaneous, Writing

Exclamation Point Friday!!!

6 Comments 27 August 2010

It’s been a challenging week for me from a creative standpoint.

I’ve got a deadline for a magazine piece due today that I’ve been trying to work on, but I came down with a nasty cold on Tuesday that I’m only now starting to shake. Plus I’ve been trying to keep up with the blog and keep things moving with the Fresh Squeezed Podcast. Not complaining, just…um…venting. Yeah, venting.

Anyway, I need to finish up this magazine piece (I’ll tell you about it once it’s officially accepted), so here’s some quick headlines for your Friday reading pleasure.

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Writing

The Fireside Writers Conference

2 Comments 12 August 2010

On October 22 and 23rd you my friend, yes YOU, are invited to the Fireside Writers’ Conference in Lancaster County, PA.

Would you like 10 reasons why you should come?

No? Well, you’re getting them anyway.

10 Reasons to come to the Fireside Writers’ Conference

1. I am speaking there. I realize this is not very impressive, but since you are reading my blog, I kind of assumed you would like to hear me speak about something. Perhaps this was a bad assumption on my part.

2. I’m speaking on increasing your RSS Subscribers. I went from 50 subscribers to 500 subscribers in about 15 months. There’s no magic voodoo for doing this, but there’s a handful of things I did that anyone can do to increase their chances of having a similar jump.

3. The cost is only $110. ($125 is you don’t register in August). It’s not the price of a cup of coffee, but it’s not the price of a Nissan Cube, either. Actually, as far as conferences go, it’s a good price.

4. You’ll get to meet Auntie Anne. Yes, Anne Beiler, the creator and founder of Auntie Anne’s Soft Pretzels will be there to speak on a panel discussing the Art in Tragedy. Anne’s story is amazing, and the other 2 folks on the panel (Brenda Lee Boiston and Tim Kreider) have good stories too.

5. It’s not too long. It starts on a Friday night at 7:30pm, and ends about 24 hours later.

6. There will be a poetry reading by the fire. If you’re thinking about proposing marriage to someone, bring them along and use this opportunity to do so. They can not say “no” when poetry and crackling fire is involved.

7. You’ll hear from some experts. Ira Wagler will talk about his process of going from blogger to book deal. Ken Mueller will share his 30 years of expertise working in media. Andi Cumbo, who’s been published in a bunch of magazine (I’m too lazy to type them all out) will talk about being honest on the page.

8. You will see Amish people. Not a big deal for me, but maybe it is for you.

9. Shawn Smucker will teach folks about tapping into their imagination. Shawn is smart and published and a great teacher. His session on “The Truth about your Imagination” might be worth the price of admission alone.

10. Because when you sign up, I make money. Okay, that’s not true at all. I just couldn’t think of a tenth point. And now you don’t trust me. For shame.

I’d love to meet some of you for the first time (or the ninth time) at the conference.

For more info, go to the Fireside Writers Conference page and do what it says.

PS…it’s raining at the beach this morning. what should we do?

Miscellaneous, Writing

The 7-Link Challenge

5 Comments 16 July 2010

Over at ProBlogger.net yesterday, Darren Rowse issued the 7-Link Challenge to his fellow bloggers.

The idea is simple. Create a post that links to 7 other posts written by myself or someone else. Sounded fun to me, so here goes…

The 7 Link Challenge

1. Your first post

a post entitled “Cold Sores and Lip Blisters” (pleasant, huh?) from January 14, 2002. Not the best set of ramblings I ever had, but it set the tone for the fact that I wanted to try and be funny on this blog. Can’t believe I’ve been blogging for over 8 years now!

2. A post you enjoyed writing the most

Probably the 15 Most Embarrassing Non-Sexual Things to Catch Your Grandparents Doing post. It was such a creative challenge to come up with that many embarrassing things without getting dirty, and I was really happy with how it came out.

3. A post which had a great discussion

It’s only a few weeks old, but the Should Your Passion Be Your Career comments were amazing. Tons of different opinions from long-time readers and other people of influence who stopped in to share their thoughts.

4. A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written

Jon Acuff’s “Pray if You Feel Led Prayer Circle” post from Stuff Christians Like. When I read this post back in 2008 I knew Jon was destined for greatness (or maybe I just knew he was funny). If you’ve ever been in a “whoever feels led can pray” prayer circle, you need to read this post.

5. Your most helpful post

It’s not helpful in a practical way, but I received a lot of positive feedback (both online and offline) from my What You Can’t Do For Yourself post. It’s the story of my last eye exam and a reminder that you need good people in your life telling you the things you need to hear.

6. A post with a title that you are proud of

Probably The Thing About Blue Cleavage, which was a comparison between the way we used to write handwritten notes and the digital texts of our current age. The title is a reference to a joke I made about Smurfette, who incidentally, has no cleavage.

7. A post that you wish more people had read

I’d go with my Best of the Ramblings post. It’s a collection of the funniest things I wrote on this blog between 2002 and 2008. If you don’t think that is funny, you might as well stop reading.

Thanks for the fun idea, Darren! If you have a blog, give it a shot next week.

Humor, Videos, Writing

My Words in Meredith’s Mouth

12 Comments 27 April 2010

Fans of my blog know that I’m a big fan of The Office, mostly because the post I’ve received the best feedback on is my Noah’s Ark According to the Office, but also because I have “Assistant TO the Regional Manager” tattooed on my lower back. (Editor’s Note: I DO NOT have that tattooed on my back.)

Well, imagine my surprise when my buddy Tyler Stanton asked me to collaborate with him and one of his L.A. friends on a Mother’s Day sketch. (Go ahead, imagine it.)

And then imagine my surprise when Tyler wrote me back to tell me he loved my submissions and that he was going to use a bunch of them. (You don’t need to imagine this one.)

AND THEN imagine my surprise when, after 2 months of not hearing a word about it, Tyler said the sketch had been filmed, and that it starred Michael Hitchcock (Best in Show, Glee) and Kate Flannery (Meredith from The Office)!

Needless to say, it’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever done as a writer. Tyler did most of the heavy lifting with the script, but a few of those jokes are mine, including the last one about the heels. #WIN

Those are my words in Meredith’s mouth!

I can’t embed the video, but you can click here or on the screenshot below to watch it.

*If for some reason this isn’t the featured video, it’s called Mother’s Day by Soul Refinery.

Humor, Writing

Taco Bell and Role Playing

9 Comments 22 April 2010

I’ll be doing quite a bit of guest posting during the month of April. The link to today’s guest post on Melanie’s ProseKiln blog is coming in a minute. It’s about role playing as a writer. Melanie was one of the winners of the “Can I Guest Post on Your Blog Contest”.

I drove past a Taco Bell last night and had a sudden urge to stuff 5 tacos in my face. Not sure how I resisted, but I did. And in the process I was reminded of a list I posted on my blog a few years ago. Here it is again for my newer readers…

Top 10 Reasons Taco Bell Should Not Be Consumed By Men over 30

(and yes, I realize I could probably drop the “by men over 30″ part.)

10. Their crunchy taco shells biodegrade slower than a plastic grocery bag full of styrofoam peanuts.

9. Many of us are married, and we actually enjoy sleeping in the same room as our wives.

8. While buying 5 or 6 items off the menu still makes financial sense, it’s digestive suicide.

7. Anything involving the words “triple” and “steak” will go through you faster than a hot knife through room temperature hummus.

6. Over 90% of the items on the menu feature enough to cheese to put you over your recommended daily allowance for the next 3 weeks.

5. Some of us are still trying to digest the chicken soft tacos we ate in 1995.

4. We’ve learned from experience that the difference between the Nachos Supreme and the Nachos Bellgrande is about 8 squares of Charmin Ultra.

3. Two Words: Volcano Taco

2. They got rid of the “yo quiero taco bell” dog. Unacceptable.

..and the #1 reason Taco Bell should not be consumed by men over 30…

1. “Gordita Baja” in English means: “Catastrophic Bowel Movement”

Thank you, thank you…I’ll be here all week.

And my guest post is now live at Melanie’s blog. Check it out.

It’s about how you can use role playing to help you be a better writer. (No not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter.)

Prose Kiln – Role Playing for Fun and Profit.

                     

Bryan Allain is trying hard to make you laugh.
You can reach him at bryanallain(at)gmail.com

Twitter: bryanallain

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