The NFL Season starts in 10 days, which means you’re probably about to draft your fantasy team. If you’re looking for some help with that…sorry, you’re on your own.

But one thing I can help you with is naming your fantasy team. I’ve been crafting great team names for years, starting with the 1977 Fantasy Football team I drafted as an 11-month old called “I Poop Myself”.

A few years ago I created a list of DO’s and DONT’s for Christians who were trying to figure out a good name for their team. I’ve gone through and updated it in hopes that it will help some of you this season. (and at the end I even give you a list of names to use if you need some help).

Guidelines for Naming Your Fantasy Team

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There is an epic battle brewing that is so intense, Frank Peretti and Stephen King are hiding under their covers in the fetal position waiting for it to pass.

This is not a battle waged with spears and swords, nor is it a battle fought in the spiritual realm. This is far less important than that.

It is a battle of mind and pigskin. It is a battle of deduction and prognostication.

It is a battle of football.

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Yesterday I gave you 5 games I hated as a kid. If you haven’t lost all respect for me yet, keep reading.

10 Games I Hated as a Kid, Pt. 2

6. Musical Chairs – Such suspense and intrigue. I’m surprised no one has ever died from a coronary from this thing. I hated this game because it’s like a horror movie without the killing and blood. Well, depending on how violent the game got, I guess blood could be involved.

6a. Wonderball – (I’ve been informed by Erica that no one she knows every played this game…maybe it’s a Massachusetts thing?) Basically it was like musical chairs except you passed a ball around while singing a song. When the song was done, whoever had the ball was out.

“The Wonderball goes round and round, to pass it quickly, you are bound…actually you are not bound, because there’s always that kid who takes his time with it just to be a clown…If you’re the one, to hold it last…actually it’s not the one to hold it last, it’s the person to the left of the jerk who swats it away without even holding it as the stupid song ends…the game is past and you are OUT.”

7. Chicken Fights – I was that kid at the pool who didn’t know how to dive and couldn’t jump in without blocking his nose (see: Nostrils, Big), so any game that involved water made me want to get out of the pool and sit on a chaise lounge of solitude.

Chicken fights were especially awful because it was combining two things I hated: water AND fighting. And I hate the name too, because the whole thing had nothing to do with poultry. Was I a chicken for losing a chicken fight or a chicken for not playing at all? Let’s call it what it really is “Slap Fighting on People’s Shoulders”

8. Marco Polo – Another game that needs to be properly named. I propose “Let people maliciously splash water in your face while you walk around with your eyes mostly closed”.

As you might have guessed, I was not a fan of pool parties.

9. Punch for Punch – The only folks who enjoyed this game were people who got pleasure out of hitting other people. I think I hated punching someone else more than I hated being punched. Either way, it was a lose-lose.

10. Capture the Flag – I was going to file this one under hide and seek, but I guess it’s a separate game. The whole idea of hiding and running in the woods while enemies try to defeat you sounds a lot like war to me. And as far as as I know, nobody likes war.

(and don’t get me started on paintball, which is basically Capture the Flag + Intense Pain.)

Games that didn’t make the list:

Red Rover – For some reason, always liked this one. Go figure.

7-Up – I always assumed that every girl who tapped my head liked me.

Simon Says – I was usually good at this one. The losers were the suckers who couldn’t concentrate.

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Did I miss anything?

Do you have ANY respect left for me?

Fire away.

I’m on vacation, so you’ll be getting some quick hitters all week.

One of the things I love about adulthood is the ability to say “no” to situations I want to avoid.

This might be something you’ve done your whole life, but it’s a relatively new development for me. Feels like half my childhood was spent doing things I didn’t want to be doing. (Which may or may not have something to do with the fact that I was a nerdbomb of a kid).

In fact, I’ve made a list of 10 games I hated as a kid…here’s the first 5.

10 Games I Hated as a Kid, Pt. 1

Dodgeball – I was always great at catching things as a kid. Loved that part of this game. But right when you were about to make a great catch, BOOM! Hard rubber ball upside your head. And of course, while you’re running off the court you’d always get hit with 3 more just for good measure, including one in the crotchal region.

That’s why I never minded when someone caught my throw. A free pass to sit on the bench with none of the pain? Sign me up.

Tug of War – Hey everyone! Who wants to take part in an unfairly matched game in which the losing team will end up in a mud pit, the winning team will end up on their backs, and everyone will wind up with rope burns?

You remember that kid who bailed on the rope at the first sign of defeat? That was me.

Arm Wrestling – I could give you 100 years and you couldn’t come up with a more joint-destroying way to determine which one of us is stronger. How about this? Let’s just say you’re stronger. You win now, and we both win 25 years from now when we’re still able to lift a fork to feed ourselves.

Hide and Seek – My long-time readers will remember that this was one of the 10 reasons my Man Card should be revoked. Like I said then,

when does hiding and seeking happen in real life? When cops are chasing bad guys. When bad guys are chasing other bad guys. When a child is about to be disciplined and disappears. You get the idea. The whole concept of hiding is that you don’t want to be found, but eventually you will be found when you play this game. Sounds terrible to me.

Bloody Knuckles – Ummm, no. You lost me at “bloody”.

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That’s the first 5, and here’s 2 questions.

1 – Did you like any of these games?

2 – Any guesses as to what’s on the rest of the list tomorrow?

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Here’s Part 2.

From the moment I saw this article on CNN.com yesterday, I knew I needed to blog about it. And by “blog about it”, I mean “go through it line by line to call out it’s absurdity”.

3 Things to keep in mind as you read this.

1. The article was well-written, so props to Shanon Cook for doing a good job with it.

2. I am not writing this from some lofty throne of judgment. I have made more mistakes in my marriage than most of you have. This is about what I think is right, even though I admit that I don’t often do what I think is right. Also, I am often wrong.

3. As much as I completely disagree with almost everything in this article, I’m not mad about it. This post was done in fun, so if you want to get mad at me or at the writer or at the premise, that’s up to you.

Okay, with that out of the way, here’s my line by line assessment of this ridiculous treatise of “Negotiated Infidelity”. The original article is in black print, my comments are in blue.

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Sugarbabe Favors Negotiated Infidelity

by Shanon Cook

Could letting your man sleep with another woman help your relationship?

I think they left the word ‘crumble’ off that sentence.

Author and former mistress Holly Hill thinks so.

Oh good, because the two things I look for in someone who gives relationship advice is that A) they’ve written a book and that B) they used to be a mistress.

“One of the main things that I have learned is that a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he’s late from the office Christmas party,” she says.

Yes, that’s right. Nothing more powerful than a woman who gives her man permission to sleep with other women. And you know what’s REALLY WEAK? Having open lines of communication to discuss things with your man like “how come you were running late from this Christmas party” and “Is there anyone at work you’re in an inappropriate relationship with”.

“It’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence.”

Because as we all know, taking the time to build a strong fence of committed love is just too much work. There will always be holes. And you won’t be able to see them. And men are dogs.

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