We got to our beach house last Saturday around 3pm, and sometime between then and dinner I tried to jump online with my work laptop (a PC) to check my email.

INSTANT. FAIL.

Continue Reading

93% of you come to this site to laugh, and for that I am so humbled and thankful. Making people laugh has always been one of my favorite things in the world.

I understand, however, why I don’t get booked for many speaking gigs. If I’m “the funny guy”, then why else would you bring me in other than to tell jokes? Since, I’m not a comedian, there seems to be a disconnect. So…how do i fix this?

Well, the short answer is that I am working on it. (And the long answer is too long to type.)

But here’s a few things I want you, my amazing readers, to know:

5 Things You Should Know About Me

1. Over the past 18 months I’ve spoken to groups as big as 800 and as small as 2. Well, the group of 2 was a lecture to my kids, but I really connected with them, you should have seen it.

2. I can speak on any day of the week! I spoke to a college chapel on a Monday and Tuesday, I spoke to my church on a Wednesday, and I’ve spoken to a few groups of high school students on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday. Yes, I realize Thursday is a glaring omission. It’s because I fast the English language on Thursday and instead communicate with grunts and body movements.

3. I’m not a comedian, but I will still make you laugh. I know there’s a disconnect here because I mostly tell jokes on my blog, so you might want me to come to your church and do that. Truth is, I don’t have a 20 minute set of bits that I work on. But every talk I prepare is always loaded with humorous personal stories and decent one-liners. I try to be just as funny in person. And if, I’m not, you can laugh at me for trying.

4. I’m a good public speaker. “Wow, how prideful!” you say. No…prideful would be calling myself “an amazing orator”. I’m still getting better every time and have a ways to go, but when I get up there I do know what I’m doing. You don’t have to worry about bringing me in and watching me stumble my way through my notes while you sit there like GOB Bluth and think, “I’ve made a huge mistake”.

5. I connect really well with younger people. Even though I’ll be 34 here soon (crazy), for some reason I am still able to connect really well with high schoolers and young adults. I’m pretty sure it’s because in my head I’m still in my early 20s. Or maybe it’s my juvenile sense of humor and ability to drop my maturity level to that of a 14-year old at will. Either way, if you’re having trouble finding someone to connect with 16-30 year olds, I’d love to take a stab at it. And I’d love to stab them if they don’t think I’m funny.

—

You can read more about all this on my speaking page. I’m in the process now of getting quotes from the people who have brought me in to speak because they’ve all seemed to think it was a success, so now I’m gonna make them put that crap on paper and make them sign it.

If you’re wondering what I would speak on, I have messages prepared based around a few of my more popular faith-related blog posts (as well as a bunch of others I’ve prepared at someone’s request – something I could do for you too):

• Grace for the Fifth Mile – Why showing grace to others is more important than you think.
• What You Can’t Do For Yourself – Why God wants us to be in community with good people.
• Crazy Like Mel Gibson – How to stay compassionate and sane in a crazy world.

Bottom Line is, if you’re looking to bring in someone who’s not your typical speaker, someone who’s an Engineer by day and humor blogger by passion, someone with a big nose who can connect with an audience and make them laugh while sharing truth, and someone who can write a run-on sentence, I might be your guy.

Hit me up at bryanallain(at)gmail.com and we can talk.

Thanks for letting me riff on this, more funny next week.

Mel Gibson is absolutely nuts.

That’s the conclusion I came to after listening to the recorded phone calls of him acting like a monster while talking to the mother of one of his kids, Oksana Russianlastname.

If you haven’t heard the recordings, I’m not so sure you should go out of your way to find them. The Cliff Notes version is that Mel calls her every filthy name in the book, demands that he deserves sexual favors, tells her he owns her, uses racial slurs, threatens to burn down her house, tells her she deserved to be hit (there are allegations that he knocked 2 of her teeth out while she was holding their baby), and at one point screams “YOU DON’T COUNT!”

Like I said, absolutely nuts.

The whole thing made me wonder, “How does someone get to that point?” … How do you get to the point where you can tell someone that they don’t count and actually believe it?

The short answer is: I don’t know. I don’t know about all the demons in Mel’s life. The substance abuse, the media scrutiny, the years and years of being coddled and treated like a star on a royal pedestal. It’s got to be hard not to think you’re the most important thing out there when people keep treating you like you are.

But there is one thing I think I do know. I think I know where it all starts. I think this type of behavior starts when we begin to think our needs are more important than the needs of other people.

The problem I have is that this is EXACTLY the way I’m wired. In fact, I think most of us are. When we wake up, the person we’re most concerned with is ourselves. That’s the default setting.

For me, it takes effort and intentionality to think about others’ needs. If I’m not careful, I can manipulate relationships to try and get the most out of them for myself. Instead of thinking “what can I do for my buddy Tim?” or “How can I help my wife Erica have an amazing day today?”, I find myself angling for the best possible outcome for me. “How can they make my life easier and  make me feel better about me?”

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not malicious or psychopathic behavior like Mel Gibson was demonstrating. But it’s still unhealthy, and it’s in direct opposition to the advice God gives us in Phillipians 2, which says “…in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

So here’s the challenge I’m giving myself, and I’m giving you too if you’re up for it. Let’s be more intentional about how we treat others. From our closest loved ones to our weakest friendships, let’s call ourselves out on the selfish tendencies we wake up with every morning, and try to get better – little by little – at truly placing other’s needs above our own.

I’m not saying we’re all on the verge of lunacy, but I do think the mindset that started Mel on the path to Wackoland is the same mindset that can creep into our lives if we’re not careful.

So let’s be careful.

The next time you see a Mel Gibson headline or hear someone talking about how looney the guy is, let it be a reminder to you to treat others well.

Other people DO count. They count MORE than you, actually. So let’s start living like that.

When i saw this video at church on Sunday I KNEW it was going to be what I blogged about today. But then Jon Acuff posted it on SCL. And a few days later Matthew Paul Turner posted it too. I thought, “maybe I’m not supposed to post it after all.”

Not to mention the fact it hadn’t changed me like I wanted it to.

You see, when I saw this video on Sunday, it moved me. It shifted my priorities. It changed my perspective. And I thought, I hoped, that it would alter how I looked at my life.

But then Monday came, and things weren’t much different. By Wednesday I was in a funk. I felt sorry for myself all day because things haven’t been happening with my writing projects the way I want them to happen. I compared myself to my peers and wallowed in the fact that every one of them seem to be achieving my goals.

Then I remembered this video and I wanted to punch myself in the face with brass knuckles made of unobtanium.

Funny thing happened Wednesday night though. I got an email from a friend with a few words of encouragement, a friend whose opinion on writing I respect more than anyone else. This friend doesn’t email me often, and he was merely responding to a random email I had sent him a week earlier. But the timing was impeccable…perhaps divine.

Was it God’s way of saying “Bryan, please don’t be miserable”? No, I don’t think so. I think God doesn’t mind us being miserable every now and again, especially when he’s trying to change us and teach us something.

I think it was God’s way of reminding me, “I know you better than you know you, and I know exactly what you need, when you need it. And if I want to, I can make sure you get a random email from the right person with the right words just when it helps the most. So stop pouting and feeling sorry for yourself and trust me with the big stuff too.”

To be honest, I don’t know if God had anything to do with that email or not, but I thanked Him anyway. I thanked my friend too, and if he’s reading this I hope he’s not too freaked out that I think God controls his emails, because I don’t. Okay, maybe just a little.

So, what’s the reason that this is a Good Friday? It’s a Good Friday because we have a God who knows us and loves us. It’s Good Friday because Jesus did the thing that no one before him did and lived after he died, validating everything he said while He was alive. It’s a Good Friday because there’s grace and hope for everyone: from the self-absorbed whiners to the people who really need it.

But don’t take my word for it. I’m just one of those whiners who can’t seem to stop thinking about himself.

Take Zac’s word for it. Despite having cancer and every reason in the world to pout, get angry, and feel sorry for himself, he’s come to the same conclusion I have.

It’s a Good Friday because God is good.

(click here if the video doesn’t show up in your reader)

Live passionately and with purpose this Easter weekend!

And pray for Zac and his family…life is good, but so fleeting.

we interrupt my feeble attempts at making you laugh with a few thoughts on faith, life, and self-awareness I’ve been thinking through lately. Hope you don’t mind…

About a year ago I scheduled myself for an eye exam for the first time in 10 years. I knew my vision was still great since the last time I had my eyes checked when I had better than 20/20 vision, but Erica needed an appointment so I figured I’d go too.

I sat in the exam chair and answered all of her questions, anxious to get to the actual examination where she tested my vision. I couldn’t wait to wow her with my 20/15 ninja-like eyesight.

She went through about 10 minutes of that whole, “which looks clearer A or B?” routine and I was zooming along. We got to the end and she said, “Bryan, in all my years of optometry I’ve never seen a 32-year old with better eyesight. If you don’t mind, I’m going to call a few of my optometrists friends so they can come down and take a look at this. Your vision is breathtaking.”

Okay, so that’s not what happened.

She took away all the lenses and had me focus on some writing on the wall, about 10 feet away. “Can you read the 5th line?”, she asked.

“O K H D N R C S” I said confidently.

“What about the next line?”

“Um…not really. V A D H…I don’t know.”

“What about now?” she asked as she dropped down a lens in front of my eyes…

Continue Reading