Amish Paradise

More Living With the Amish

9 Comments 10 March 2010

Time for another edition of Living with the Amish (you can see the previous 12 editions here).

As always, there are actual pictures taken from my actual phone.

Remember those turtle carriers cars used to use in the 80s?

This is the Amish version.

Wood, plastic wrap, and a red rope.

Caught this Amish guy driving a motorized vehicle.

He thought no one would catch him in his Evilmobile, but I was there to snap a picture.

I’m like the Chris Hansen of the Amish community.

Hey horse, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

As if riding a scooter in the dead of winter isn’t punishment enough,

here, wear this bright safety vest so no one misses you.

When the snow and ice are too much for the buggy, it’s time to break out the sled.

(aka, Amish snow tires)

What’s in the backpack, buddy?

Hockey sticks?

Farm equipment?

Power outlets and extension cords?

If you live in Lancaster County and have a nose, then you know what this is.

It’s a large green vessel filled with manure for enriching the soil.

When the wind is blowing just right, these things can ruin your entire day.

and finally, time to ask you guys for a caption

i took this picture at the movies a few weeks ago. If you can’t tell, I’m sitting behind an Amish girl.

(caption please)

Amish Paradise

More Living with the Amish

7 Comments 19 January 2010

Today is a special winter edition of Living with the Amish.

As always, these are real pictures of real amish folk taken with my real iPhone.

Here we go…

This shot was taken from my front step during a snowstorm last month.

It proves 3 things:

1. Amish buggies DO drive down my street.

2. Amish horses fear no weather.

3. I did not cut the tall grass in front of our house like I told Erica I would. (Husband FAIL)

This is a truck full of Amish people.

You can’t read the back window sticker, but it says, “Al Qaeda Hunting Club”

Wail until Osama finds out the Amish are after him.

and wait until they’re community leaders find out they were driving in a devilmobile.

The next time you get mad because your car’s not warming up fast enough, remember little Jakey.

Scooter + cold winter morning = Frostbite FAIL

Remember the days when you could fit 4 horses onto 1 street?

Road FAIL.

This is what happens when you’re crawling behind an Amish buggy at 10 MPH and get rear-ended.

It happened to me last week, and while my car needs work, thankfully I’m okay.

For those of you who think I owe the Amish an apology for these posts, I think we’re even now.

Normal sledding = you on a sled, having a blast on snowy hills.

Amish sledding = your groceries on a sled,  hating life on snowy roads.

Finally, this has nothing to do with the Amish, but I had to share it anyway.

It’s a mug from a cabin we stayed at recently,

and it might be the creepiest beverage holder in the entire Western Hemisphere.

Mother-In-Law FAIL.

To see more posts like this, visit the Living With The Amish Index Page.

Amish Paradise

Amish Drunk Driving

4 Comments 14 December 2009

There’s nothing funny about drunk driving.

But you’ve got to admit, since no one got hurt in this incident a few weeks ago, it’s almost worthy of a little chuckle. (and if not, I apologize.)

Elmer Stoltzfoos Fisher was driving his horse and buggy down Ronks Road (10 minutes from my house) and he repeatedly kept drifting into the wrong lane. Eventually his horse and buggy came to a stop…on the road…straddling the center dividing line.

Did the horse run out of gas? Nope. Elmer was so drunk that he fell asleep. Officers found him slumped over and unconscious, holding the reins of his horse.

Again, this could have been a tragic accident. Even at slow speeds, drunk driving can cause serious damage to you and everyone else on the road. Thankfully no one got hurt.

But the silver lining is, now you’ve got another story to bring up during one of those awkward conversational pauses at a holiday party.

“Did you hear about that Amish guy who got pulled over for drunk driving with his horse and buggy?”

(and please, if you have a drink or three this Holiday season…ALWAYS play it safe. Remember Elmer. Anyone can destroy a life with 1 bad decision.)

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Thanks to Ron for the heads up. (asylum.com)

Amish Paradise

Guess the CD Name Part 5 ANSWERS

1 Comment 07 December 2009

You’ve been waiting all weekend for this. Here’s the answers to the fifth and final Guess the CD Name Contest.

I told you that this CD name included to word “Shining”.

No one was anywhere close, but I appreciated all the attention brought to the collars of those tops. Hideous.

Here’s the actual name…

I told you that this CD name included the word “Inspiration”.

I liked Jimmy’s idea: “Inspiration Lacking”

here’s the actual name, which actually includes the word “humor”…

Finally, I told you that this CD name included the word “Gonna”.

Alex almost nailed it with “Gonna Sing for Jesus”

and a couple of you noticed my reflection in the cellophane…kinda creepy

here’s the actual name…

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my fill of terrible looking CD covers.

Maybe we’ll bring this back some time next year…r even better, you guys should submit your own.

Thanks for playing along everyone!



Bryan Allain is a writer, speaker, and pretend hitchhiker living in Lancaster County, PA with his wife Erica and their two kids, Kylie and Parker.
He'll make you laugh or your money back.
You can reach him at bryanallain(at)gmail.com

   


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