It’s been what, 10 years now that we’ve all been carrying cell phones?
Well, here’s what I think I’ve learned in the last 10 years.
10 Things I’ve learned about cellphones
#1 – Antennas should not protrude several inches higher than the phone. And it DEFINITELY shouldn’t be one of those flimsy ones you have to pull up to get better reception. And it MOST DEFINITELY shouldn’t be built into the frame of the phone so that it experiences signal loss from holding it like a normal human. (That being said, I LOVE my iPhone 4)
#2 – The bluetooth earpiece is definitely not cool. A good accessory for the car? Absolutely. A lifesaver for someone who spends all day on the phone? Sure. But cool? Nope. The exact opposite, actually.
#3 – The only thing less cool than the bluetooth earpiece is the belt holster. Listen dude, phones are small enough now to fit comfortably into any pair of jeans you can find in the men’s section. I’d rather you wear your phone in a bedazzled fanny pack than in a belt holster.
#4 – Using anything other than a ring tone for your ring tone is a mistake. No matter how funny/cool/appropriate your song ring tone is, your phone is going to ring around people who just won’t get it. Then you’re stuck saying things like, “Yeah…I’ve always been a Stones fan” or “Why does my ring tone sound like Jock Jams? It’s a long story”. Custom ring tones are like custom license plates. Seems like a cool idea at first, but never lives up to its potential. Trust me, just go with Marimba.
#5 – Signs at the Doctor’s Office are to be ignored. Any sign that says “Please refrain from using cellular devices in this office” might as well say “Throw your cellphone on the ground and take a dump on it”. No chance I’m honoring your unreasonable signage.
#6 – Don’t hate someone for using their phone to its full potential. If we’re at dinner and there’s an intense argument happening over how old Snoop Dogg is, I am ABSOLUTELY going to take 45 seconds to google the answer on my phone. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me. Moments like those are the exact reason I pay for the data plan. (and for the record, Snoop is 38.)
#7 – When a phone falls out of your pocket in the car, it immediately shrinks and lubricates itself to be able to fall through the tiniest of cracks so it can settle somewhere where it cannot be reached without pulling over and moving the front seat. You’re nodding your head right now, aren’t you?
#8 – The “I never got your text” defense immediately destroys your credibility. You ALWAYS get my texts. Phone companies kinda have the ‘delivering the text to the right phone’ thing down at this point. I’d rather you just tell me the truth: “From the moment i saw that you texted me, I knew with 100% certainty I would never reply.”
#9 – The least important thing my phone does is make calls. It’s much more important as a gaming device, a camera, a video camera, a GPS device, an iPod, a gaming device, a google machine, an email checker, and a Twitter updater. The phone calls are just icing on the cake.
#10 – The cellphone is one of the best diversion devices ever invented. There’s nothing better than avoiding an awkward conversation or greeting by putting your phone up to your ear and having a fake conversation. Gotta be honest here, I’m AWESOME at having fake conversations. I think I’m better at pretend conversations than real ones, though I’m not sure if that’s something I should be proud of.
Anything you’ve learned about cellphones over the past 10 years you’d like to share?
Posted by Bryan AllainTags: cellphones, iPhones
I’m still rockin’ the flip phone. I’ve been eligible for an upgrade for a good while now, but I’m honestly scared of getting an iPhone or other smart phone because I already have a hard time “unplugging” from things like e-mail and work stuff.
Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. There’s always a reasonable one in the bunch isn’t there?
Keep this up and I’ll be seeing you in a buggy driving by my house in a few years.
omg, your reply cracked me up, Bryan! The flip phones are SO a thing of the past. But, I admire Curtis for holding out on the iphone… except when he finally gives in, no one will care that he held out. He’ll just be another iphone junkie. GIve in Curtis… its time.
Hahaha! This was great. I love my iphone too.
I must comment about #8. See, because of #9, any texts that may come in while my phone is occupied with Pandora for extended periods of time are texts that I feel rightly fall under the category of “I didn’t get your text…” … “because i hit cancel with every intention of checking later but completely forgot to….”
well now that Pandora can run in the background on iOS4, ye are without excuse.
touché
I’m going to have to disagree with #4. The only acceptable ringtone is no ringtone at all. Vibrate my friend. Vibrate.
I totally agree and should have noted that in the post. I haven’t had my phone on “audible ring” since Bush was in the Whitehouse.
Sure, it results in me occasionally missing calls when I’m at home and my phone isnt in my pocket. but i’m all about the vibrate.
Au contraire to the both of you. The proper song as a ring tone is an opportunity to show just how hip and relevant you truly are. It also gives the chance to haughtily look down on anyone not as “with it” as you are.
I agree! And it has nothing to do with the fact that I made the most awesome ringtone based on that Coke Recycles tune. I’m totes “with it.”
Unfortunately, as much as I love my ringtone, no one gets to hear it because I keep the phone on silent 90% of the day.
I know you’re going to call me a dinosaur or worse (see buggy comment to Curtis), but I don’t get #9. My phone is just that, a phone. My computer is better at accessing the web and checking email, my camera takes better pictures and my MP3 player in nowhere near as clunky. I had a Blackberry once and got rid of it because I didn’t use those features enough to justify the expense. And, don’t tell me to get an iPhone. I absolutely refuse to purchase anything Apple. Ever.
“I absolutely refuse to purchase anything Apple. Ever.”
Ah, yes. The classic “rather-than-be-late-to-the-party-I-choose-to-hate-all-things-Apple” defense.
How sad.
I don’t know about all that, but I don’t like Apple. I think they’re overpriced toys and Jobs is a jerky control freak and I don’t like Apple. I will admit to the fact that I can be very contrary and that everyone is gushing over these colossal time wasters plays a part in my decision not to patronize Apple. Besides, did I say I really don’t like those guys?
Very well put
Did you mention using your phone as a “gaming device”? Just checking.
I agree the belt holster is not cool. But like the bluetooth, it has practical uses. Having recently been diagnosed with a fibroid tumor almost exactly lined up with where my cell phone would sit in my pocket, I am now an avid proponent of belt holsters. I feel like a conspiracy theorist, but, there ya go, it happened to me.
oh sure, Claygirl, go ahead and play that fibroid tumor card and make me look like an insensitive jerk.
You win Claygirlsings, you always do.
I’m gonna have to disagree with #5. Have you ever worked in a place where customers/patients/coworkers regularly pull out their phones to have loud, personal conversations? Most. annoying. thing. ever.
Also, there’s a sign at a local burrito place that claims they will feed you to Godzilla if you are on your phone while trying to order. I love that sign.
I think #3 brings up a good opportunity for a “You couldn’t pay me enough” test.
How much would it take for you to wear your phone in a holster for a year?
How much would it cost to get you to wear your phone in a bedazzled fanny pack for a year?
Your readers need to know this … yes, I’m calling your bluff.
As for iPhones loosing their signal when you hold them, that’s completely untestable, everyone knows getting a signal in the first place on ATT is just a myth. Yes, I love my iPhone4 too.
I super fail at almost everything on here. I have to admit I’m a belt holster guy…I don’t have a medical issue or anything, but I will say that pretty much every single time I wouldn’t take my phone out of my pocket before I got in my car, someone would call. This would force me to do that half-stand thing while I was driving to maneuver my phone out of my pocket. And although I don’t go bluetooth, I do use my iPhone headphone/mic duo to get the job done..I know, lame. To really show my insanity, not only do I use ringtones, but I assign them to contacts!
Jesse, I couldn’t agree with you more, on everything you mentioned. We are practically brothers. However I do not assign a ringtone to every contact…I do rock the Derek Webb ringtones from his SS album when my phone is not on vibrate which is 90% of the time.
Great topic!
#1 A few weeks ago I saw a lady @ a local restaurant, on her phone that had an antenna. The antenna was obscenely long, I looked over at my brother-in-law and without missing a beat he said “I didn’t even know phones still had those things”
#2 At work we think Bluetooth devices are AWESOME! We love to watch the guy in the next building wonder around the parking lot , waving his hands in the air frantically, seemingly arguing with himself. It REALLY appears like he is arguing with himself. It’s good fun.
#4 NO RING TONE, Vibrate only
#6 Snoop’s age………is that in DOG years?
#6 Cont. Please use your Contacts list to its fullest potential, no excuses people its 2010.
#10 I shall remember this next time I see you.lol
People keep asking me if I got their text, then they look shocked when I tell them they texted my LANDLINE. Yes, people, I still have a landline and I’m not afraid to use it!
Curtis, I’ll be right behind you with my buggy. Just found a nice one on ebay.
:cackle: You’ve nailed it, Mr. Allain. The beauty of the smartphone is that you can kill those 2-10 minute periods that crop up in the day quite effectively with a little bit of tap-and-scroll action. Me, I’ll make a dash through my email if I haven’t been at the desk in a while, and after that, it’s off to Instapaper to go read some things I’ve saved for later.
At this point, my iPhone 3Gs is a device that does five things:
1. Manage email on those moments I’m not at my desk [fewer and far between now that I work from home].
2. Gives me something to read in small chunks of time via Instapaper’s awesomeness. [Seriously. My Instapaper account/app is like having a bunch of really awesome magazine articles at my fingertips at all times, without all the pages stiff with scratch-and-sniff detergent and perfume ads.]
3. Lets me goof off on the Internet when I don’t have the focus to read anything in Instapaper.
4. Solve trivia questions, even if it’s just in my head. Example: how many US Presidents have Ph.D.’s? [One: Wilson. Lotta JDs, but no only one real Dr. Did they call him Dr. President?]
5. Take my mom’s incoming calls. Really, Mom is pretty much the only person who regularly calls me.
My wife might as well have her phone on vibrate only. It’s in her purse – where she can neither hear it ring nor feel it vibrate.
By the time I dig my cellphone out of my jeans pocket, where it’s sitting underneath my keys and a bunch of change, it’s stopped ringing. Or if I’m wearing shorts, it fell out, and it’s sitting on the chair where I was sitting two hours ago. And what do I do with my cell phone when I’m wearing sweats that have no pockets? I’d kinda like a cellphone I could wear around my neck like a stopwatch.
As you say, phone calls are almost irrelevant. Especially when it’s impossible to answer the phone before it goes to voice mail.
Yes, holsters are uncool. But wouldn’t it be nice if we had a way to actually call people and talk to them, instead of just leaving messages on their voicemail that may be answered days later, if ever?
I got my first cell phone in 1997(yes I’m old) same as Snoop Dog. All it did was call but it was so cool. I remember being excited because I could call those radio contests on my way to work and I won a turkey one year. I’m not quite a dinosaur, but I don’t have smart phone. I really want one, but two teachers salaries and four small kids=no free money for an iPhone. I keep hoping though…
Awesome post. It is unfortunate that #5 is on the list but that’s just how it is.
Personal ringtone favorite, “The Final Countdown” Awesome.
And not only does that phone fall into the cracks, upon handling, it is purposely designed to fall (since you can only get to it with a pincer grasp) even FARTHER than before.
Great post, I used to be a late night bet settler for friends who would call or lightly text with that bar question debate when I was at home. NEVER get those “hey google this for me” calls anymore.
“calls”.. what a 00′s term.
Sorry, but ringtones are made of win. My work and parents are set to Darth Vader’s entrance tune, my wife has a sweet sounding one, and everyone else has the “Yip, yip, brrrrrrrrrrrrriiiinnnngggg, oooooohhhhhhh, brrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnngggggggggg” guys from Sesame Street.
Yes, I’m that gangster.
#7 is the BEST!
Your photo: Less bars in less places…
As a subset of number 10, how about the not so subtle “the conversation you are trying to have with me is so boring that I’m going to start playing with my phone in hopes that something there entertains me because you are sucking the life out of me” distraction?
I’m so glad you put #2 in there. It just needed to be said.