Last weekend I drove past a Karate studio and I cringed.
Then, in a moment of self-awareness I said, “Self, why did you just cringe as you drove by that Karate studio?”
I didn’t answer myself right away, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. And because you care, here’s what I’ve come up with.
The 5 Problems I Have with Karate
1. The Studio – Not sure if I’ve ever actually been in a Karate Studio, but I’m 100% sure it smells like sweaty feet. It has to, right? Plus, every Karate studio I’ve seen in the movies has lots of mirrors, windows, and pictures of past champions from their dojo. Wait, is “dojo” a Karate word? Is “studio” even a Karate word? I have no idea. All I know is that I’ve never driven past a Karate place and thought, “I desperately want to be inside there.”
2. The Participants – Please don’t take this the wrong way, Karate people. I promise I’m not judging you with malicious intent. It’s just that growing up I don’t remember one person I ever considered being “cool” being involved in Karate. Were you cool when you were a kid, dear reader? Then you probably weren’t in Karate, were you?
Look, I’m not saying that ‘coolness’ among your junior high peers is something worth striving for…it’s just that the cool kids never took Karate.
3. The Outifts – Similar to point number one, I can’t say I ever looked at someone wearing the white robe and colored belt and thought to myself, “Man, do i want to be wearing that!” The closest I came to thinking that was at the end of Karate Kid 1, but even then I was like, “nah, still don’t want to wear a glorified bathrobe out in public”.
4. The Promotions - Congratulations! You spent months and months going to practice, fighting with other people, and letting a 40-year old guy with smelly feet yell at you for 6 hours a week. What do you get for all that? You get to exchange your white belt for a yellow one! Ooh, where do I sign up?
5. The Self-Defense Theory – The biggest problem I had with Karate people was that you couldn’t really make fun of them for being in Karate because they knew 6 different ways to rip your shoulder out of its socket. Sure, they told you that they were only allowed to use it in self-defense, that they had taken some oath or something, but we all knew the truth. They wanted nothing more than to be provoked so they could try and sweep your leg and crack your sternum like a piece of plywood.
But like I said, you couldn’t really accuse them of this or you risked catching a smelly foot in your temple.
So, what are your thoughts on the whole Karate thing?
Any of you Karate folks want to stand up for yourself, or are you already on your way over to my house to try and kill me?
Leave a roundhouse kick in the comments…
Posted by Bryan AllainTags: Karate
You're a braver man than I.. that's to be sure!
I did karate for years and years, and only stopped because the dojo master (a world famous teacher) wouldn't let us girls participate in all the sparring parts of the training. And no, I wasn't a cool kid, but that was more due to my book nerdiness than karate. My athletic abilities (especially as they were not feminine-I also played baseball (not softball!) for years) were somewhat redeeming.
And yes, it's called a dojo, not a studio. And no, they don't smell like feet. It's all cleaned properly, just like every gym is..
What karate taught me was not so much the moves and whatever (which I have never used on someone else. Besides, you have to be really good to use those moves on someone who is not obeying the rules of karate and not standing in a karate position, etc), but discipline, the ability to concentrate on the matter at hand, endurance..and it gave me a way to harness my rage. I was a very angry girl before I started. Much less after I stopped. Plus, I have very good reflexes now. That's also very useful. so yeah, don't provoke me. I might just be able to rip your still-beating heart out of your chest.
My brother and I actually DID use our bathrobes as do karate moves against each other. Of course, these were karate moves imitated directly from the Karate Kid (without the elaborate choreography by referee Pat E. Johnson). The crane technique never worked on my brother, unless I did it from a fence post. But most times I would have my other little brother scream "Put him in a body bag… YEAH!"
Thanks to your post, we are now proven to be cool because we did this all without actually taking karate. But you are also correct – a younger sister of mine nearly did rip my shoulder out. She has a black belt… and she knows how to use it.
I took Karate when I was in 4th or 5th grade. I lasted about a year. And I was as close to being cool as the East is from the West. That wasn't due to Karate though. When I took it, it was right after Karate Kid came out and everyone wanted to be the next Daniel-san. I even had the cool (I'm using that term liberally) headband that Ralph Macchio wore in the movie.
I also agree with you about wanting to demonstrate what I learned. I don't think that there was a one of us in that class that wanted to learn self-control or only use what we learned in self-defense. We all had a "Johnny" that was constantly trying to "Sweep the Leg" of us "cool" karate kids.
Where the heck was Mr. Miyagi when I was getting picked on? Probably still pruning that frickin' Bonsai Tree.
The thought never even crossed my mind growing up that my un-coolness and participation in karate were related… This was around the time when I thought "Walker, Texas Ranger" was the best TV show ever made, so clearly my rational thinking skills were not yet fully developed.
Me and my brother took Judo for a little over a year. My brother was older than me. A tough kid. He could throw around a kid who had a brown belt. So i thought, i don't need Judo, i need to pick fights when my brother is around.
I’m not quite sure if a softball player has the right to make fun of Karate. How do tights compare to bathrobes? I’m just sayin’
dude! have you seen this?! you gotchyur judy chop… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2U-ZQMf56I
Is the Dojo u drove by called "Golden Fist Karate"? Near the intersection of 30 and 41? Cause I went there for like a year and a half…and so did my dad. The End
I took karate for a while because my parents took it when I was really little, so I was naturally into it. I found it to be a great way to stay in shape and stay flexible. It had nothing to do with wanting to hurt anybody else, but I did take pride in knowing I could stop someone else from hurting me.
The art I took was from South Korea, so the studio was called a Dojang. The studio was clean, did NOT smell like feet. I would imagine the Do Bok (uniform) was also an idea from South Korea. At any rate, it was easy to work out in, and the colored belt was a symbol of rank that would earn you respect.