Running 80s commercials on your blog isn’t a new concept, but wow does it bring you back.

Here’s a handful of commercials that I specifically remember just like they were on yesterday. How many of these 7 do you remember?

Kudos Granola Snacks – “Kudos, I’m Yours!”

Fruit Bars – “so good…and ugly”

Crispy Critters Cereal – “Indubitably”

Coast Soap

Zest Soap (starring Roger Clemens!!) – “You’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean”

Iron Cologne – “Men of Iron, Iron!”

Bonkers Candy

First off,

Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter Kylie.

She turns 8 today…halfway to Sweet Sixteen.

How is that possible?

I have NO idea. But Happy Birthday, sweetheart.

Second off,

I’m headed out the door to play some golf this morning, so here’s a quick question for you.

If you could get rid of 1 sport – totally wipe it’s existence clean off the face of the earth – what would it be and why?

Leave your answer (or birthday wishes for Kylie) in the comments.

As always, thanks for reading, hope you have a good Thursday!

The Major League Baseball trading deadline is this Friday, which reminded me of a piece I wrote for Burnside 2 years ago. The premise of the piece was that the trade deadline shouldn’t be confined to baseball, it should be applied to pop culture and other facets of life. The entire piece, which you can read here, had 21 trades in it. Here’s the 9 that hold up the best 24 months later…

1. ABC’s hit show ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ trades away Dr. McDreamy to the New York Yankees for Alex Rodriguez. This trade was a no-brainer when you consider that A-Rod has referred to himself as ‘McDreamy’ in the mirror hundreds of times over the past few years [editor's note: I wrote this 2 years before the A-Rod kissing himself in the mirror pictures came out. Weird.]. Grey’s Anatomy executive producer Allan Heinberg has already started writing an episode for Season 4 entitled “Indigo Kiss” which revolves solely around A-Rod’s purple lips. Over in the Bronx, Patrick Dempsey goes 6 for 91 in the month of September, proving to be a much better hitter than A-Rod has ever been when the games really matter.

2. In a huge 3-way deal, Michigan gives away the Upper Peninsula to Wisconsin in exchange for 5 tons of cheddar cheese. The Wolverine State then trades away the cheese to Canada in exchange for Toronto and a few bags of those pink Canada mints. Remember Canada mints? I loved those things. Not too hard, not too soft, just the right amount of mint. Are they the official mint of Canada? Do they sell them at Edmonton Oilers home games? Does Canada get paid royalty fees for the use of their name? They should.

3. Wrigley Field trades away the ivy on its outfield walls to T.G.I. Friday’s in exchange for a year’s supply of spinach artichoke dip. The restaurant chain subsequently divides up the ivy into 500 pieces and plants a piece of it outside of each U.S. locations. The move backfires for the Cubs, however, when Carlos Zambrano becomes the first major league pitcher to weigh in at over 600 pounds.

4. Britney Spears’ trades away her hair, fame, credibility, and Justin Timberlake for an ex-husband named K-Fed, a rehab stint, and a terrible album to be named later. Oh wait, this already happened.

5. The month of March trades away one of its 31 days to February in exchange for President’s Day. Here’s a copy of the press release: “In a move to become a bigger player in the Holiday game, March acquires President’s Day in exchange for becoming a 30-day month. March’s spokesman, Caesar Ides said of the trade, “We feel that we have quite a stable of holidays with St. Patrick’s Day, the first day of spring, one out of every five Easters, and now President’s Day. Clearly, this move makes us a major player in the Holiday Game.” November and December could not be reached for comment.

6. Katie Holmes trades away all of the future monies she will earn from the syndication rights to Dawson’s Creek in exchange for “having her freaking life back.” When Holmes’ husband Tom Cruise was asked about the trade, the actor and scientologist smiled and said, “Just like Xenu, who 75 million years ago brought billions of people to earth in a spacecraft, I will continue to bring happiness and joy to Katie’s life as she strives to become an Operating Level Thetan.”

7. In a class-action trade, all NASCAR fans trade away 1 year of their lives for a case of Budweiser. “It was a tough call,” said group spokesman Chuck Mulletstache. “But what’s an extra year of your life worth if you’re living it without the King of Beers?”

8. In a unprecedented 5-person Hollywood Blockbuster Deal, Jessica Simpson trades Nick Lachey to Vanessa Minnillo who trades Derek Jeter to Jessica Biel who trades Justin Timberlake to Scarlett Johansson who trades Josh Hartnett to Penelope Cruz who trades John Mayer back to Jessica Simpson. I wish I had made this up.

9. Fans of the former HBO Show “The Sopranos” trade in the last 10 seconds of the series finale for a bag of chips. Industry insiders all agree that it was a great trade for the fans because, as one analyst put it, “a bag of chips is worth a whole lot more than staring at a blank screen on your television for ten seconds.”

This was a fun piece to write. Maybe I need to work on some updated trades…

There are many times in life when you need to speak up and let your voice be heard.

And then there are other times, when you really shouldn’t say anything at all.

Here’s a few of those times when you should probably just shut your mouth…

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

If you’re ever in a situation where someone is asking you this question, the correct answer is almost always “No”. Followed by a graceful lowering of the head and a quivering lip.

When I’m Lifting Weights

I’m not pretending that I throw around a lot of weight in the gym…clearly I don’t. But just because I’m doing shoulder presses with 25 lb. dumbbells doesn’t mean I’m in a position to tell you how my weekend was. By trying to engage me in small talk while I’m lifting, you’re putting me in a lose-lose. If I don’t answer you until the set is finished, you’ll think I’m being rude. If I try to talk to you while lifting the weights, my arms are going to come out of their sockets. Please, save the pointless small talk for later…

When we’re Undressing in the Locker Room

When I said “save the small talk for later”, I didn’t mean 10 minutes later when neither of us are wearing pants. Look, this isn’t high school anymore. We all have the same junk, and none of us are afraid to be naked. I’m fully capable of carrying on a conversation with you while you’re naked, but here’s the thing: I don’t want to. So please, stop by my cubicle later when my nipples aren’t showing.

In the Bathroom

I covered this in my guest post for Tyler last week, but please don’t talk to me in the bathroom at work. Be man enough to deal with 20 seconds of silence while we deposit our human waste in the appropriate receptacle.

While Playing “The Quiet Game”

This one is for my 3-11 year old readers.

[talking to kids voice] Hey kids, guess what? When mom and dad want to play the Quiet Game it’s not because they’re genuinely interested in which child is better at not talking. It’s because it feels like they have an axe in their forehead, and any more noise might lead to a cataclysmic breakdown. So no arguing about the rules, okay? That means no arguing about whether or not you’re allowed to make the other person laugh, or whether a cough is allowed, or whether a muffled giggle disqualifies you from the game, or whether or not the game has officially started. Just. be. quiet. Thanks kids! [/talking to kids voice]

“Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace”

Of all the antiquated things to keep in a wedding ceremony, why is it that couples still insist on putting this in? You’re just begging for someone to speak up and say something. And really, if friend of the family Jim stands up and says “Gotta be honest here, I just don’t feel right about this, guys.” Are you going to call off the nuptials and send everyone home? I think not. And now Jim is no longer a friend of the family because he took your bait.

Sometimes, Jim, you’re just better off keeping your mouth shut.

—

Did I miss anything?

What are some other times where you’re just better off not saying anything?