My friend Tyler and I are racing to see who can get to 1000 Twitter followers first.

As of yesterday he was beating me 490-425. This is unacceptable people! This is a dude who refers to his receding hairline spots as his “power alleys”.

(Tripp is racing with us too, but dude already has 800+ followers on Twitter, so he can go take a dump as fas as I’m concerned. Oh and then there’s Jon and his 4000+ followers: dead to me.)

In case you haven’t caught on yet, Twitter’s not just about “what I had for lunch”. It’s also a great vehicle for sharing funny thoughts about the absurdities of everyday life in 140-character bursts.

In order to show you that Twitter can be used for good, Jon, Tyler, Tripp and I are posting 10 of our favorite Tweets from the past few weeks on our blogs today.

You can check their Twitter Highlights out here: Tyler – Tripp – Jon

Here’s mine:

+ gonna start referring to constipation as “stationary bowels” & I’m gonna eat a lot of cheese so I can overuse the new term.

+ If I had to make a list of things I wouldn’t want to eat, mulch would definitely crack the top 500.

+ Buying lunch from the cafeteria at work: $6.41. Stealing it: Priceless.

+ Every time you eat a sandwich at the beach you’re swallowing a few of Abraham’s descendants. Gross, crunchy descendants.

+ Life Rule #406: Never, under any circumstances, watch Bicentennial Man starring Robin Williams.

+ Want 250 brand new twitter followers every day??? Take Lunesta & dream about it, because it’s the only way it’s happening.

+ if everyone donated their lint trap excrement, we could make blankets for the cold homeless of the world. laundromats unite!

+ Kylie, my 7.5 year old, used air quotes yesterday. correctly. hilarious and frightening at the same time.

+ someone just texted me about a dodgeball tournament. honestly, i’d rather eat a dodgeball than play dodgeball. no thanks.

+ at the end of a bowl of cheerios i always congratulate the last cheerio. u made it to the end buddy! then i eat him slowly.

C’mon…you know you want to…

Follow me on Twitter if you dare. And definitely follow Jon, Tripp, and Tyler.

She almost broke my legs.

Yup…the end of June always makes me think about how my wife and I met.

Some of you have heard the story, but many of you haven’t.

2 years ago I wrote a blog post celebrating the 10 Year anniversary of one of the best moments in my life.

If you’ve never heard the story or how Erica and I met, you can go here to read it now.

(I mean, hey, if Donald Miller left a comment on the story it’s got to be worth a read, right? anyone? Bueller?)

…continued from Part 1.

This was the woman who won the Shoofly Pie contest.

Notice the bald spot in her part?

Erica tells me it’s because amish women pull their hair down so tightly every day.

Kinda sad…let’s move on…

The 2009 Volleyball Tournament included over 40 teams.

How do you know when things are getting serious?

1. When shirts start getting untucked.

& 2. When amish kids are wearing wristbands.

This dude remembers when his body was young enough to play volleyball.

But years of working the land and avoiding technology takes quite a toll on a man.

(and for those of you who wonder why the amish wear suspenders instead of belts…

…it’s so you can stick your hands in your pants whenever you like.)

Am I contractually obligated to go with “pretty maids all in a row” for this photo?

Yes, I think I am.

This is my neice, Avery, enjoying some homemade Lapp Valley ice cream.

0% Amish.

100% cute.

Dish soap, bucket, water, hay, and gravity.

This is probably stretching the definition of “station” a bit too far, no?

Here’s a couple pushing around a tiny dog in a pink stroller.

I will now kill myself.

She knew there would be consequences for her actions.

Kissing that non-Amish boy last month was a mistake.

But being forced to wear the Scarlet Dress of Shame during Heritage Days weekend?

Let them judge her…his kiss was electric and totally worth it.

Finally, I asked someone to snap this photo of me before I said goodbye to the 2009 edition of  Intercourse Heritage Days.

Santa Claus in the middle of June?

Yup.

Welcome to Intercouse.

Last weekend was the annual Intercourse Heritage Days Festival held conveniently at Intercourse Park, which is a 5-minute walk from our house. I picture-blogged about the event last year, so I thought I’d do it again this year. Here we go…

For the second year in a row Anne Beiler was a judge of the shoofly pie contest. Anne is the founder of Auntie Anne’s pretzels, and a bit of a local celebrity. Despite the fact that she’s been on Oprah, spoke at the RNC last year, and is a published author, she’s very down to earth and super sweet. My wife Erica actually works at the Family Center that Anne and her husband opened last year, so after I took this picture we were talking about how amazing my wife is.

“She just lights up the room when she’s there. She’s a joy to have at the Family Center,” Anne said.

“I know,” I replied, “I get to live with her!”

The brand new Erica Fan Club: 2 members and growing!

This 5-piece band rocked the house park with their unique brand of Screamo-Bluegrass.

The highlight of their set was definitely their cover of “November Rain” by Guns-n-Roses.

When yellow-shirt hit that Slash solo, I cried like a toddler at the dentist.

If only I had a picture of the crowd, because they were out of control.

Oh wait, I do…

Like I said: Out of control.

His is amish cigarettes.

Mine is electricity.

Hey, we all have our vices.

Does this picture of Parker look familiar to you?

If so, it’s because it is almost identical to last year’s picture:

Side Note: Looks like the Tractor Man discovered Just For Men.

Good for him!

I went over to find the clown and I found this sign.

a few thoughts…

1. why is Strolling capitalized? Is that his name?

2. Why is “The Clown” in quotations and in such a small font? Does his clowndom qualify as fine print? Is he not really a clown?

3. The bad news: this sign is kinda creepy. The good news:  if he ever switches occupations from clown to stalker, he can keep using the same sign.

Ah, there’s Sneakers our “clown” providing his own interpretation of an Amish Hat.

The little boy next in line doesn’t seem so sure.

I’ve got to say, I don’t think this will catch on with the amish adults AT ALL.

Okay, I stand corrected. He’s already got his first 21+ customer.

Finally, here’s a who’s who in this picture:

1. In the stripes on the left it’s State Representative Bryan Cutler, looking like he’s 17.

2. In the green sweater it’s a woman with a notebook. She’s reporting on the event. I’m reporting on her.

3. In the gold and blue high tops, it’s the next point guard for UCLA basketball.

4. In the amish dress, it’s a woman about to pick her nose.

5. Carrying the Vitamin Water, it’s Neo from the Matrix. He’s about to break out of his goo pod.

—

Well, that’s all for today.

But come back tomorrow for part 2 of the 2009 Intercourse Heritage Days PictureBlog.

I’ve got a Guest Post up today at Katdish’s blog called “Revoke My Man Card”. Most of you know I’m not the most manly of men, but if you’d like a few more reasons to why my Man Card should probably be shredded, go over to her blog and check it out. (And while you’re there, subscribe to her blog and give it a test drive.)

For those of you who are here for the first time from Kathy’s blog, thanks for coming! If you’d like to see what this place is all about I suggest reading these 3 posts (or any of the favorites on the sidebar). If you like what you read, subscribe and stick around. If not, thanks for stopping by!

1. The Best of the Ramblings
2. Music in the Car
3. Not Quite Jason Bourne

Oh, and all of you make sure you come back later today for part 1 of Intercourse Heritage Days 2009.