welcome to any first-time visitors who have clicked over from my recent post at Stuff Christians Like (Having a Favorite Book of the Bible). If you want to check things out here, you can start with some of my favorite posts over in the sidebar. If you want to subscribe to my feed, you can click here. If you want to subscribe to Cat Fancy Magazine, I’m not going to help you do that.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to accompany my good friend (and Pastor) Sam Masteller to Christ For the Nations Institute in Dallas, Texas. Sam was asked to speak to the 1st and 2nd year students during their 11am chapel, and I came along with him to help him in a number of ways. I helped him prep some of the material, I helped him navigate the highways of Dallas when our GPS became possessed with the spirit of Babel, and I took about 10 minutes of the speaking duty off his shoulders on Monday and Tuesday.

Here’s a few pictures from the weekend:

On Saturday night we drove over to Gateway Fellowship in Southlake with our friend Buddy Watts. They’re a super fast growing church with multiple services and multiple locations. We loved the atmosphere, the venue, and the spirit that was there. We weren’t crazy about the amount (and placement) of screens in their sanctuary. I think we counted six. How many Thomas Miller’s can you count leading worship in this picture? I count 3. Great place, though.

On Sunday morning we drove over to Fellowship Church in Grapevine and enjoyed that service as much as we enjoyed Gateway the night before. This church had an even bigger feel, and did some things differently than most churches. Only 2 worship songs, no bulletins, and they didn’t mention Jesus’ name once. No, I’m kidding, they mentioned Jesus’ name early and often, and Christine Caine from Hillsongs told her powerful story of adoption, abuse, and ultimately finding her identity in Christ. Great stuff.

(Btw, If you’re waiting for me to rail against megachurches and everything that’s wrong with them, don’t hold your breath. I’ve got better things to do than nitpick with people who are reaching their communities with the message of Jesus. Which I believe both of those churches are.)

Here I am making some last minute tweaks to what I’m going to say on Monday morning. Sam and I were each put up in our own apartment on campus, so that was nice. I look sharp because Erica dressed me. Yes, even from 1400 miles away, I am dependent on the fashion savvy of my amazing wife. (If you’re wondering, the sweater, shirt, and pants are from Banana Republic Outlet, circa last week. The couch I’m sitting on is from The Ugliest Furniture Ever Outlet, Circa 1971.)

Here’s Sam backstage in the green room a few minutes before we went out to speak. Now before you accuse him of taking Performance Enhancing Drugs to be a better speaker, I can assure you that he is drinking decaf coffee. He’s not like some preachers who get all jacked up on espressos so they can hit it out of the park with every sermon. This man is fueled by the Holy Spirit alone. (Though he has admitted to drinking Mountain Dew before some sermons back in 2002, but that was a loosey-goosey era of preaching. Everyone was on the juice.)

You probably think he’s working on last minute tweaks to his message, but he’s not. He’s actually playing Tic-Tac-Toe against himself. He says it boosts his confidence right before he speaks.

Always good to go over your slides and videos with the tech team before you speak. Too bad Sam is not doing that here. He’s up in the crow’s nest with the media team, but instead of prepping, they’re watching an episode of Judge Judy. There’s 30 minutes of his life he’ll never get back.

I got to sit on stage since I was speaking. Pretty good seats, actually. A few minutes after I snapped this picture, I grabbed that mic in the foreground and shared some facts and stats with the students (between 600-800 of them) about how Christians are perceived in our changing culture. I got a great response from this sequence:

We think of Christians as good people, the world thinks of us as hypocrites (show pic of disgraced pastors)

We think of Christians as loving, the world sees us as hatemongers (show pic of picketers)

We think of Christians as forgiving, the world sees us as judgmental (show pic of Simon Cowell)

We think of Christians as tall and handsome, the world sees us as short and unattractive (show this pic of Sam and CFNI Director, Adam McCain)

The kids ate that one up.

On Day two I spoke more about how church styles are adapting to keep up with changing culture in America. We don’t change the message at all, but we change how we communicate it. (We used a lot of Mark Driscoll’s stuff in our preparation.) I got the crowd going by giving away some Prayers For Blowouts T-shirts and playing an interactive crowd control game. It was a bunch of fun.

Before leaving Texas on Tuesday we got treated to lunch by CFNI in their “crapeteria”, as one of the kids called it. The food was great, even if we were cordoned off in our own special section away from all the students (which made us feel like lepers). There’s Sam on the right, Buddy in the middle (good friend who now lives in Dallas), and me on the left posing in front of the CFNI bookstore. Not in the picture are the hordes of students who heard us speak seeking an autograph. They are not pictured because they do not exist.

On the way home I smoked a pretend cigarette (rolled up facial tissue) in the airplane bathroom. I guess all that preaching made me feel a little too pretend holy or something. Had to balance it out with some pretend rule-breaking. I’m such a rebel.

And an idiot.

It was a great trip and a great experience. I loved catching up with old friends, loved hanging out with Sam for a few days, loved seeing Dallas again, and loved having the opportunity to communicate with over 500 people at once. Wasn’t nearly as nerve-racking as I thought it would be.

Although, I have to admit, I was on Performance Enhancing Coffee at the time.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Author: Matthew Paul Turner

Book Name: churched: one kid’s journey towards God despite a holy mess

I’m Glad it Wasn’t Called: Legalistic Christianity Sucks a Root.

Book Synopsis in Twitteresque 140 characters or less: Growing up in a legalistic church, while potentially scarring at the time, makes for a fascinating read years later.

Where I Bought It: Actually, I got it for Christmas from my mom.

Paid for With: I’m not about to ask my mom how she paid for this book, though I’m betting she used pictures I made in high school art class as currency. Having those things sitting in the attic is like keeping Microsoft stock certificates in a junk drawer.

How Long it Took Me to Read: 1 plane ride…almost. I read all but 30 pages on a recent flight from Philly to Dallas. Finished the book the next day.

Who I WOULD NOT recommend this book to: The wacky pastor Matthew grew up under. Pastor Nolan, or whatever your real name is, you might want to sit this book out. In fact, may I suggest you go pick up a copy of “The Grace Awakening” by Chaz Swindoll and give it a whirl.

Who I WOULD recommend this book to: My pastor (and good friend) Sam. Although, he doesn’t need the recommendation. When i got up to use the restroom during the flight he grabbed the book and didn’t want to give it back. Later in the flight he grabbed it again and was audibly laughing with each turn of the page.

What I used for a bookmark: I went with the dusk jacket since it was a hardcover. In an unrelated note, I completed the crossword puzzle in the airplane magazine with only 1 letter wrong while Sam was reading and giggling. I felt pretty good about myself until I saw that I had done the “Easy” crossword puzzle. Go figure.

What were some interesting stories from the book: Quite a few to choose from, as the storytelling is the strong point of the book. My favorite story was probably when one of the deacons dressed up like the devil and interrupted a sermon looking for a staged fight with “the man of God”.

What were some interesting stories NOT from the book: There was that one time when someone bit off all their fingernails and left them in a pile on Carolyn Richardson’s bible, which was sitting harmlessly on a windowsill during fellowship lunch. Carolyn was not amused at the pile of keratin shards on her Holy Word, and immediately came up to the perpetrator and said, “Get those fingernails off my Bible!!!”. (This was not in the book because it happened to me, not Matthew. And again, I’m sorry Mrs. Richardson. That was pretty gross.)

What I learned from this book that I will apply to my next book: When you tell stories about your mom and dad in a book, it’s okay if you have to embarrass them a little. The truth can be funny sometimes, as long as the truth is not that they beat you on a daily basis with a sack of coffee mugs. (which, thankfully, neither my parents nor Matthew’s parents ever did.)

Expectations Going In: I thought it would be  a slower read than it was. I was expecting a more even mix of storytelling and adult reflections, but it was almost all storytelling and it worked. In terms of humor, I expected the book to be amusing and it was. I wasn’t laughing as much as Sam was, but it did make me chuckle audibly a few times, which is tough to do.

Cannarf Rating: I had high expectations going in, knowing that Matthew is a great writer and humorist. Even still, the book surprised me by being such an easy read. I was going to give it +2 cannarfs, but I’m going to bump it up one more just because it had my Pastor ROFL up and down the aisle of flight 2564.  The Rating: +3 cannarfs. (what’s a cannarf?)

Have any of you read Churched? If so, what’s your cannarf rating?

I was in need of an HDMI cable a couple weeks ago when I purchased my new TV.

Before I drove 10 minutes to Target, I figured I’d stop at the Amish Hardware store 2 minutes away to see if they might have one.

But, once I saw this thing hanging on the wall, I knew I had a better chance of finding an Amazon Kindle in the store than an HDMI cable.

Aren’t these things going to be obsolete by June 12th?

I’m going to stop back in the store after the official digital transition and see if the store is still selling these things. If so, I might call the local news station to bust them for consumer fraud.

Or I might just buy some cable ties from them and once he rings me up I’ll use them to place him under citizen’s arrest.

Stay Tuned…

Like last week, I shot my random ideas and theories on the latest LOST episode to my brother Jordan and he fired his thoughts back.

At least, I’m pretty sure it was my brother Jordan who responded to my email. There’s a chance that the smoke monster killed him and took over his body. We’ll find out if he tries to pull a gun on me.

(as always, Jordan’s thoughts are in bold.)

LOST 5.06 316

Pretty big payoff episode. These are the ones you wait for with a show like LOST. It’s nice to get some answers, even if they just open up more questions. interesting that they switched the sequence of episodes, this was supposed to be next week. with the upcoming episode being pushed back a week. i wonder why they chose to do that.

Yeah, not sure. For me, the biggest thing from this episode were the parallels of Ajira Flight 316 to Oceanic Flight 815. Some were contrived, some maybe not. Both flights had a dead body wearing Christian Shepard’s shoes, both flights had a US Marshall with a handcuffed prisoner, both flights had someone with a guitar, both flights had someone holding a letter (it was Sawyer in the pilot), both flights were supposed to be piloted by Frank Lapidus,  both flights featured someone reading a comic book. I’m sure I’m missing more.

yeah i thought it was really cool how they needed to make the flight as much like the original. you were wrong about one thing though, both dead bodies weren’t wearing christians shoes, christian was wearing jack’s tennis shoes. but, both dead bodies are wearing someone elses shoes that jack put on them.

It makes you wonder where the similarities end. Is Kate pregnant (like  Claire was) from her encouter with Jack? If Lapidus made it to the island, will he meet the same fate as the pilot to 815? Speaking of which, do you think it’s only the Ajira3 on the island now, and the rest of the passengers continued on their flight? Or do you think Ben, Sayid, Lapidus, and Sun are on the island too?

i don’t think its the ajira 3, that would be terrible. i think ben and sayid and sun made it to the island. not sure about everyone else. you’d think that lapidus made it though, as well as that guy behind jack in line since they felt the need to show him a couple times. also, how did that guy get into the same section of the plane as the oceanic 6? hurley bought all the tickets, and yet he is the one guy that gets on. theres more to this guy than we know right now.

Yeah, and apparently his name is Caesar or Cesar. And the Marshall that had sayid is name Ilana.

You’ve gotta wonder how Sayid and Hurley ended up on that plane. Seems to me like the best explanations might be that Charlie appeared to Hurley again  and told him to take the flight and bring the guitar. As for Sayid, you have to think Ben and his mauled face were behind this. Did he have Sayid kill people for him in Guam in the past, and then turn him in so that he would be extricated there on Flight 316?

yeah im with you on the charlie and hurley connection. hurley doesn’t trust many people, but he does trust ghost charlie. my first guess was also that ben got that beating from sayid when he went to try to convince him to go to the island. sayid said that if he saw ben again it would be extremely unpleasant. not sure why the marshall would be bringing him to guam though. ben has to be behind it.

And who gave Ben the bloody face? What’s your first inclination? That it was Desmond defending Penny from Ben, or something that happened with Sayid or Hurley?

i guess it could be desmond defending penny, but i dunno, doesnt seem right. i dont think ben would have wasted time trying to kill penny when he knew they had such a small window of time. definitely don’t think it was hurley, my gut says sayid. hes already got experience beating ben up, and ample reason to do it again.

More lies from Ben. Gotta love it. Especially when Mrs. Hawking calls him out and says, “yeah, he’s probably lying.” Then on the plane he says his mother taught him to read (which was a great line) except that we know his mother died during childbirth. another lie! We did really get the sense in this episode that Ben was not happy that Jack got to “stay after school” with Mrs. Hawking. Do you think that was an act as well, or is he really not privy to EVERYTHING going on?

yeah i love ben, best character ever. so many lies and yet he is still so believable every time. you always want him to be on our side no matter how many times he pulls the wool over our eyes. i think that it was an act  when he was acting jealous of jack staying after school.  any time ben says anything its a safer assumption to think that he is lying. and especially in a situation like this where it seems like ben would know everything about the plan to get back.

Kate seemed sufficiently freaked about not having Aaron anymore. Who’s got him? Claire’s mom? Kate’s mom? Sawyer’s girlfriend who’s raising Sawyer’s daughter?

yeah something went down, im sure we will see it in a few episodes from now. i really cant even take an educated guess at this one. did she drop him off at her mom/cassidy’s house to protect him from the lawyers or did she give him to the lawyers so she wouldnt have to take him to the island. it seems like she isn’t too proud of what happened. this seems like another condition of the 815 flight, kate is on the run. although i guess she was actually in custody already last time.

Think there was anything more to the note that Locke gave Jack? Hidden meaning? Invisible ink like the blast door map? Guess we might never know.

im sure we will know, if we never see the note again there was nothing else to it. if you remember jack held on to the piece of the paper that said ‘i wish’, i think he lost the rest of it when he got zapped down to the island. i dont think there was any more to the note though, what else did locke have to say? if jack would have believed him then he wouldnt have left the island and locke wouldnt have needed to leave the island and kill himself, so he blames jack and wishes that jack would have just stayed put on the island.

Christian has always appeared in those white tennis shoes, but many viewers noticed last week that he wasnt wearing them. Now we find out how it might have happened, because Jack is bringing his shoes to the island. Any thoughts on this, it’s making my head hurt.

i didnt think we saw a shot of christian’s feet, but if we did and they werent the normal tennis shoes then so what. he’s not wearing the suit anymore that jack put on him in the coffin, why should we expect him to keep the shoes on? it looks like he’s working for jacob now, and has switched over to the old timey wardrobe. heres something i find more interesting about shoes on lost. there has been multiple times a character on lost has removed someones shoes. it seems to be symbolic of something on the show. heres some times just off the top of my head.

1. kate removing the shoes from a dead body so she has better shoes to trek around in.

2. kate removing the shoes of her father shortly before she blows him up.

3. kate removing sawyers shoes when he was near death in the swan station.

4. jack removing locke’s shoes and putting his fathers shoes on him.

i think there has been some more too that i cant remember.

Speaking of Jack’s dad, what about his grandfather? Have we seen him in the show before at all? I dont remember him. seemed a bit random.

thats the first time we have seen jack’s grandfather, but he has been mentioned before. my theory from a while ago was that jacob was jack’s grandfather. i had some reasons behind it that i don’t feel like getting into right now, but it seems unlikely at this point. you never know though, if locke’s dad could randomly appear on the island im not ruling anything out.

Finally, i went back and listened to the broadcast of the numbers from last episode, and it did kinda sound like Hurley. Fast forward to the end of this episode where Jin shows up in a Dharma uniform. This means that the O6 and the Losties are in the same time and same place, and it is probably the 1970s. Suddenly it’s conceivable that Hurley will be around when the radio tower is built, and he might actually be the one to record the numbers initially. Then Leonard and Sam would later hear them on a boat in the Pacific, then Sam would repeat them to Hurley in the mental home, then Hurley would play the lottery with them, and then his life would fall apart and he would decide to fly to Sydney. It’s a self-contained loop, similar to what Locke did with the compass, what Faraday might have done by telling his mother about time travel in 1954 before he was born (haha), and what Faraday tried to do with warning Charlotte not to come back to the island. But why on earth would Hurley broadcast those numbers, knowing now what he knows?

knowing lost, he will probably put in a situation where he has to do it against his will, not that someone will be forcing him to do it. but he will not want to do it because he knows what will happen because of it, but he will feel like he needs to or the universe will fall apart or something like that. i cant wait for that scene though, should be great. There is going to be a lot of these by the time the show is done. the whole show is going to be this great loop that keeps continuing itself. i think i just made that word up.

OK, one more. Is it me, or doesn’t this feel like the Final Season the way things are happening? I keep forgetting there’s a whole ‘nother season after this one. What possible conflict are they setting up for the cliffhanger at the end of this season? Can’t wait to find out.

yeah you’re right, and i hadnt thought of that. but i trust the writers with whatever direction they are going to take it.

Time for another brief installment of Living With the Amish…

I eat in cafes with Amish people.

Electricity = bad, barstools = good.

I shop at general stores with Amish people.

In the foreground, an old fashioned cola.

In the background, an old fashioned human.

This concludes another installment of Living With the Amish…