More proof that I’m getting old. My youngest child turned 4 years old today. Wow. Parker is amazing. He’s a great sharer, loves to make people laugh, a very good cartwheeler, my favorite person to play basement football with, a huge fan of Power Rangers and Buzz Lightyear, a Red Sox fan (of course), and a great brother.

He definitely brings alot of joy into our lives, and for that we are so thankful for him.

Here’s your chance to give a birthday shoutout to the one and only parker bryan allain on his 4th birthday! Maybe he’ll be able to read them in 2 years.

we left dunkin donuts in Gap at 9:23am. We pulled in to my parents driveway in Swansea at 3:23pm. (and yes, i idled in the street for 30 seconds to wait until the time changed from 3:22 to 3:23 so i could say that). 6 hours on the dot. some typical traffic in Connecticut (yes i still hate that State…2 lanes for a major interstate? give me a break) but other than that it was a great ride.

looking forward to eating WAY too much all week. starting with popcorn tonight and ending with baked stuffed shrimp on christmas day, my grandma’s specialty.

my parents finally have hi-speed, so i’ll post more later…time to eat something.

my buddy Eric alerted me to this rumor about the possible resurgence of LOST in January (either the 10th or 17th). Of course, if LOST does come back 4 weeks ahead of time, there will have to be a 4-week break in there somewhere, so pick your poison.

Personally, I’d rather just wait until February and then go 17 straight weeks. Right now my LOST box is up on the shelf, like i’ve said before, and once i bring it down I’d like to keep it down. Compartmentalization can be a good thing once in a while.
tracking…

once in a while i think of something mean (yet mostly harmless) to do to someone else that makes me laugh. i laugh because usually it’s funny, and i laugh because i know i would never ever carry it out.

After spending my lunch hour at the mall doing some christmas shopping, (yes, now that Christmas is officially less than 10 full days away, i can begin shopping…its my single digit rule..i never christmas shop until there’s less than 240 hours until december 25th…sue me for being dumb) i thought i’d share some christmas spirit with everyone and offer up this list of grinch-like things to do to other people that aren’t necessarily that nice.

3 Harmless, yet evil, things to do to people if you are meaner than I am

1. “Barber Shop” – I’m pretty sure I’ve posted about this one before, but I’ve always thought it would be fun to hang out outside a hair salon and make negative comments about people’s hair as they are leaving. Think about it, when are you more vulnerable than when you’ve just got your haircut? Noone has seen it yet, and while you think you like it, you’re really not sure if they did a good job or not.

To pull this one off, just stand outside the hair salon and make comments to people as they walk out. It’s better if you come up with your own, but here’s a few to start you off:

• “Ooooh, did they make you pay for that?”
• “Did they not have time to finish?”
• “Ouch…i guess you got the new girl, huh?”
• “Wow…just…wow”
• “It should grow out in a few weeks, right?”
• “Let me guess, next stop: Lids”
• “Excuse me, ma’am, there’s a stray cat on your head”
• “People have lost lives over haircuts that were better than that.”
• “Please tell me you lost a bet or something?”
• “Hey, Donald Trump called. He said ‘you win’.”

2. “Parking Spot” – You know how the mall gets really crowded around the holidays and oftentimes you spend more than 10 minutes trying to find a spot in the same zip code as the mall entrance? Well, this plays off of that frustrating experience. As we all know, the best way to find a spot in these circumstances is to be a “follower”. You idle in your car by the mall entrance and follow someone out to their car. Then you wait with your turn signal on until they pull out and open up the spot for you. Do they get annoyed because you’re following them and it puts pressure on them to rush? Of course. But deep down they understand that you just want to park your stinking car and get inside.

Here’s how you pull of “Parking Spot”. Walk out of the mall with a couple of bags in your hand. Make eye contact with a “follower” looking to take your parking spot. Give them some affirmation in the form of a nod or a finger point to let them know that you’re ok with them following you. Lead them out deep into the parking lot, walking a bit slower than you normally would, and then stop. With a puzzled look on your face worthy of an Oscar nomination, start to twirl around as if you can’t find your car. Walk aimlessly from row to row, and make it appear that you are getting frustrated. (If you need inspiration, take a look at the driver following you, who will probably be getting ticked off). Let this play out for a minute or so, and then stop all of a sudden. Look into one of your bags, rifle around in it frantically as if you left something in the mall, and then proceed to run back into the mall as if you left your wallet in a store, laughing to yourself the entire time.

This can be repeated as many times as you like, just make sure that the driver doesnt catch you pulling it on someone else or you might find yourself in a holiday fistfight.

3. “Santa Claus” – This is a risky one that will never end well. Stand next to the “Pictures with Santa” area and pull out your cellphone. Pretend you are having a conversation with your wife or significant other. Make sure there are plenty of children within earshot. Speak loudly and repeat after me: “Yeah, bad news. (pause) The kids found the Christmas gifts this morning. (pause). I know, they were pretty upset. (pause) What else could i tell them? I wasnt going to keep lying. (pause) No, I just said that Santa wasn’t real, that there used to be a guy named Nick who gave out presents hundreds of years ago, and that kids all over the world are lied to year after year by their gift-giving parents.(pause then raise your voice) I HAD TO TELL THEM. SANTA’S NOT REAL. HE’S NOT REAL! (pause) look, i gotta run.” Then walk away as you leave little kids crying in your wake, just be aware that there’s probably an angry parent ready to rip you a new one, so walk fast.

(note: i don’t condone cruelty to children of course, so this is posted in jest. But if you really want to open up this can of worms, i’ll go toe to toe with you on how ridiculous it is that we lie to our kids about santa. it probably has to do with the fact that i never believed in santa growing up, but i just think the whole thing is dumb. maybe the cruel ones here are the ones who lie to their kids for 8 years, forcing their whole world to come crashing down around them when the older kids at school start talking about the “dumb kids who still believe in santa”.)

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we’re mailing out our christmas cards next week, by the way. folks will actually get them before the new year this year. ho ho ho.

• so the NFL is going with Prince as their halftime show entertainment? Color me disappointed. Not that i had high hopes or anything, but Prince? What, was Celine Dion already booked? Could Meatloaf not carve any time out of his schedule? Did UB40 back out at the last minute? Were Boyz 2 Men not returning any of their phone calls? Was George Michael locked up in jail somewhere? Well, he probably was, but you get my point. How irrelevant is Prince? Yikes.

• just listened to the LOST Writers Podcast from 12/6. Good to hear them again, despite more jokes about them being in love with each other. got me psyched for the rest of Season 3, that’s for sure. Sounds like they’re going to really move the story along and give some answers when we come back from the break. Not that I’m one of those people who only demand answers from this show, i dont mind when they stretch things out, i love the way they tell stories.

• Cow farts, apparently, are doing more damage to the environment than SUVs. Not kidding. Read for yourself.

• I spent 45 minutes on the phone with Comcast last night and it was well worth it. My parents are currently paying over $100 for their local phone, long-distance, and dial-up internet. yeah, dial-up…it’s terrible. there’s no DSL available in their area and they have Directv for TV. But the guy i worked with from Comcast was very nice and helpful. He offered me bundled high-speed internet and VoiP phone service from comcast for $70/month. (its a 12-month introductory rate that will go up to $85/month after a year). so 1 week from today they will finally get high-speed internet, and they’ll be saving over $30/month as well. very cool.

• Don Miller’s Searching for God Knows What, my favorite of his books, was just translated into Korean. He wrote a new Korean foreword for the book, that i really enjoyed. You can read it here.

• The Matsuzaka deal could go either way at this point. It comes down to how much power Scott Boras has. If it was the Red Sox and Dice-K dealing directly with each other, I imagine a fair deal would get done, because they both want the same thing: Dice-K in a Red Sox uni. But add Boras to the mix and it changes everything. Having Dice-K in a uni is not on his priority list AT ALL. He is only concerned with how he looks as an agent. He has sworn to get Dice-K the most $$ possible, and if he doesn’t get that done in his eyes, then he looks bad. He would rather walk away and say “i told you that no team is going to lowball one of my clients.” than “I know Matsuzaka is getting less per year than Gil Meche, but this posting system screwed us over.” I’m telling you, i just don’t see how Boras comes close to the Red Sox offer of 8mil per year without thinking he has failed. the only argument i’ll listen to is that if he doesnt get this done then no japanese players will ever want Boras as their agent…that could sway him to get it done. we’ll know soon enough. (although i just heard a report at 12:30pm that Boras and Dice-K are headed to Boston…that’s a good sign that this will get done.)

• The way Billy King has run the Sixers for the past few years, is anyone actually convinced that he is going to handle this AI trade with cleverness and smarts? I’m not. Moving AI is a win-win-win for everyone involved, the way i see it. The Sixers are finally realizing they need to look to the future and move on, Allen gets to play for a franchise with a better future than his (unless he goes to the Knicks), and whoever gets AI will have had the distinct pleasure of brokering a deal with Billy King. Something that GMs in the NBA probably fantasize about with regularity.

• Where do think AI is going? I’m guessing Boston, and I think it will happen after tonight’s Sixers-Celtics game.