Is there a more heinous substance that we regularly consume than butter? I just look at it and i get sick. It is pure “bad for you”. a big old stick of “bad for you”. and yet it makes things taste so good. i think if i were on fear factor and i had to eat a stick of butter i might walk off the show…
I’ve explained this to some before, but I’ll do it again. There is a conspiracy going on at a CVS near you, the likes of which we cannot fathom. A little charade being pulled on us every day. It’s those freaking greeting cards. Every time i pull a greeting card and read it, i can never figure out where i pulled it from. I mean, i think i know the general area that it came from, but i cant seem to find any other cards like it to locate it’s siblings and put it back with its family. I really think that if we had slow motion cameras, it would all become clear. while we read the cards, one of the greeting cards will yell out “Shift!” and they will all rearrange themselves. I am convinced that this happens. either that or i am an imbecile…
speaking of cards, here’s my passionate rant of the day. I am starting a grassroots effort to abolish the institution of the Thank You card. This is the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public. Picture this: Your wife has a baby shower. 20 people come with gifts. You open each one in succession, pretending to like what you’ve received and saying thank you to the gift bringer 3 times before moving to the next parcel. Now after the party is over and everyone has gone home. The gift receiver is obligated under current etiquitte guidelines, to write Thank You cards to everyone who has brought gifts. Are you kidding me? She already said Thank You! this is an outrage. We received a ton of gifts at our wedding. Cards, money, objects, whatever. Wouldnt it make sense that while everyone who gave us gifts is together at the reception we should say “Thank You everyone for your generosity”? nooooo. instead we spend the next 6 months enslaved to these thank you cards thanking people individually for the books or the money or the salad bowl. Life is too short people! let’s wake up and smell the dunkin donuts! it should be abolished. join me in this quest. tell everyone you know. from now on at parties and weddings and showers here is the protocol.
- open gift
- thank the gift giver
- repeat step 1 and 2 until gifts are gone
- corporately thank everyone again by saying the following, “Thank you all for your gifts, it’s very nice of you. We are very appreciative. Please be aware that becuase i have now sincerely thanked you all for your generosity more than once, you will not be getting thank you cards from us. To do so would be redundant and wasteful to our precious environment.
- try and avoid the dirty looks and evil stares that ensue.
if we all start doing this now, we can engrain this as a part of society and maybe our kids will look back at the practice of “thank you cards” as an extinct cultural relic. i feel very strongly about this. moving on…
EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE PERSON THAT THEY RECEIVE EMAILS FROM ON A REGULAR BASIS THAT TYPES OUT THE WHOLE MESSAGE IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND DOESNT USE ANY PUNCTUATION MARKS FOR ME IT IS MY BELOVED GRANDMA IT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH WHAT IS THE THINKING BEHIND THIS IS IT FOR MY BENEFIT OR FOR HERS IS IT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THINGS EASIER CUZ IT DOESNT YOU GOTTA LOVE IT
Maybe I’m a slob, but i dont really care if the outside of my car is dirty. It rains once every ten days anyway, why bother cleaning the thing. to me it’s like cleaning the bottom of your shoes with windex, a fruitless, wasteful exercise…
things i am thankful for this time of year: hot showers, tostitos salsa con queso, vacation days, advil, the refreshing taste of water, a two-car garage, good music, and sports. man do i love sports. put sports and salsa con queso together and it’s heaven on earth.